I Miss You So: A Love Story
by Candyland
Summary: [COMPLETE] Extreme angst alert. When tragedy strikes, lives are forever changed. Tomoyo must watch those most dear to her go on...without her. A little ExT romance in later chapters. How? You'll see...
1. Prologue

**AN: **I'm really not sure exactly where this popped up out of. I was just sitting there, reading some fics, thinking about the class I had to go to in twenty minutes, when my muse struck. I had to do it. I just had to. I'm completely going against my normal rules by having not one, but _three chapter fics going at once, but when inspiration strikes, you just gotta go for it. So updates on this may be a little farther between than what I usually do. Please be patient with me. I'll update as much as possible, because I think I'm really gonna get into this fic when I get going on it ^^_

And now, on with the story! I do not own Cardcaptor Sakura, nor do I own any of the characters. I am merely borrowing them from the geniuses at CLAMP.

**Prologue**

With a stretch and a sigh, Daidouji Tomoyo walked down one of many hallways crisscrossing the inside her mansion home, heading towards the front door. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon, too beautiful of a day to spend sitting inside at home. She had plans! Going out with Sakura, Li, and Hiiragiziwa was definitely a more appealing prospect.

A few of the household workers waved, smiled, or nodded to her as she passed, and she returned the greetings with a soft smile. She had known many of them for her whole life, and they were like family to her. If even one of them left, things would feel so different.

As she left the house, she looked around. It was so lovely, and huge by almost any standards. It was the home of a princess, and although Tomoyo had every right to think of herself as a princess, she didn't. She was sixteen years old, and still as down to earth as she had been when she was ten. Well, she was down to earth, except for when it came to recording Sakura's exploits onto video, of course.

She really did lead something of a charmed life—she was the daughter of one of the wealthiest women around, she had wonderful friends at school, and she had the chance to go on the kind of adventures one would expect to see only in the movies. But that was just par for the course when one was best friends with the Master (or rather, Mistress) of the Cards, a hot-headed Chinese sorcerer who just couldn't make his tongue cooperate when it came to vocalizing his feelings, and the reincarnation of one of the greatest magicians who had every lived, the very person who had made the cards in the first place.

It was amazing to think that the escapades with the Cards had been all of six years ago. Now, after all this time, things really hadn't changed that much. Sakura and Syaoran were practically joined at the hip, but Sakura was almost always able to tear herself away from her beloved boyfriend to spend time with her longtime best friend.

Eriol. He had come back to Tomoeda when they were fourteen, with Spinel and Nakuru, aka Ruby Moon, in tow. He hadn't changed very much, physically or personality-wise. He was still mysterious, still wise far beyond his years, still smiled with that knowing little smirk of his, but age had taken its toll, and he had gone from a cute child of ten to a very handsome sixteen year old. This fact was not lost at all on Tomoyo, who had one day woken up and discovered that boys were actually very interesting things. For some reason, she found Hiiragiziwa to be even more interesting than any other guy.

And for some reason, she would sometimes catch him watching her, much as he tried to hide it. And she had realized that those little, covert glances were very desirable things to collect. They hadn't really talked about it, but she was expecting them to have a little chat any day now.

Tomoyo often wondered how it was that she could possibly have come to be so lucky in life and now (possibly and hopefully) in love. But she was thankful, she thought, as she paused at the corner across the street from the park. She was thankful for everything she had been so blessed to receive in her life.

"Tomoyo-chan!"

Across the street was Sakura, waving, with that huge smile of hers taking up most of her face, and green eyes dancing with that unwaivering happiness she always possessed. Behind her, Eriol raised a hand in a slightly smaller wave of greeting, and Li merely lifted his chin in his usual manner.

Tomoyo paused at the curb by the corner and glanced up and down the street before darting out into the road, one hand clutching her purse (which contained her favorite video camera, suitable for recording Sakura's ultra kawaii behavior), the other hand in the air, waving in return.

Suddenly, everything around Tomoyo went silent. She could no longer hear cars driving nearby, birds chirping, a dog in a nearby front yard, children at the ice cream truck down the sidewalk, or Sakura calling to her. It all went completely silent, and the world before her eyes seemed to go in slow motion around her. She couldn't feel anything, either. The pavement beneath her feet might as well have vanished, and the breeze continued to dance through her hair, but she didn't feel it at all. The color vanished as well—the world had gone to black, white, and shades of gray. It was the single most disconcerting thing she had ever experienced in her life—quite a feat, considering that she had spent quite a lot of time chasing cards and recording onto video all sorts of magic.

She didn't have time to ponder what it meant.

Because in the next instant, she heard the sound of squealing brakes.

And in the second after that, she saw colors again.

Red.

She felt something, too.

A momentary rush as she was airborne, then the hard, cold, unyielding pavement.

And pain. Pain unlike anything she had ever felt before in her life.

Red, which faded to brown.

She heard one more thing. Screams.

Sakura screaming. Eriol screaming. Even Li screaming. Her friends were screaming at her, screaming her name, but she couldn't respond. She need desperately to respond, to let them know she was all right. She needed to tell them that there was nothing to worry about. But she couldn't.

She couldn't breathe at all. It hurt…it hurt so much. Why did it hurt so much? What had happened? What was going on? Even in all her intelligence, she couldn't quite comprehend it.

And finally, brown faded to black.

The treasured video camera, which had recorded so many parties, moments, and most of the exploits and adventures of the Card capturing team, shattered against the concrete.

And Daidouji Tomoyo knew no more of her friends or the street. She fell into the soft, warm, comfortable blackness, into a place where nothing existed anymore. And the pain was gone.

AN: It's a short prologue. I'm sure you can all figure out what just happened. I'm going to try my darndest to get the next chapter for this up ASAP, so I can make the whole purpose of this story a little clearer. You'll see. Promise. This chapter was just setting the stage.


	2. Clouds

**AN: **Hey hey hey, a new chapter. Here's where we're going to find out the actual purpose behind this story. I hope anyone who decides to read it likes it. And thank you very much to my wonderful reviewers. Love ya! CLAMP owns these characters—I'm just borrowing them for a little while ^^

**Clouds**

Tomoyo fell through the darkness for what felt like a long time. It was a wonderful feeling. She was free falling, yet for some reason, she had no fear of what might happen when she landed. She could see nothing when her eyes were open, so she kept them closed, and focused on the feeling of the wind dancing through her hair as she fell, the warmth that seemed to emanate from the darkness itself, and the overall feeling of safety she had that really had no basis.

At the moment, she felt like one endless paradox. She was being and nothingness, light and dark, heavy and weightless, everything and nothing, truth and lies, good and evil, past and future, joy and sorrow…the list went on and on as she plummeted through the seemingly neverending void towards her still unknown fate.

At the same time, she was a mass of questions, questions that had yet to have answers. What had happened? What was happening now? Where was she? Where was Sakura…Li…Eriol?

This just didn't make sense.

And some lonely, logical corner of her mind was sending up red alerts, reminding her that she was freefalling, and God only knew what could possibly be waiting for her at the bottom. Yet she was still unafraid, no matter what that annoying little voice of reason kept saying. 

Suddenly she became aware that she had stopped falling. She opened her eyes. The darkness was gone. She was hovering, floating in midair amidst a bright light. She was vaguely aware of something that looked like flowers all around her, weaved through the light.

By moving her arms a little bit, she managed to move herself so that her feet were pointing towards what she somehow knew was the ground, though there was nothing but light. The minute she was upright, she was lowered down to the "ground" by whatever magic had been keeping her afloat.

"Welcome," a voice said behind her.

She whirled around, stifling a cry of surprise. For a moment, she squinted into the brightness, but within seconds her eyes adjusted, and her vision returned. She was able to see the speaker.

A beautiful woman was standing only a few feet away, regarding Tomoyo with a mixture of concern and amusement. The woman had dark hair, even longer than Tomoyo's, and bright eyes. But her eyes weren't normal eyes. There was no iris or pupil. In their place was the night sky, dotted all over with stars and constellations. The heavens were written in the woman's eyes.

Suddenly, Tomoyo was very afraid. This was not a normal person.

"Be not afraid, child," the woman said, obviously reading Tomoyo's anxiety. She said child, though she could tell that this adolescent was already more towards the 'woman' end of the spectrum, in mind if not necessarily in body.

"Who are you?" Tomoyo ventured a question, not at all mollified by the assurances of this stranger. She wanted to go home, back to the safety of the familiar, back to her friends, her family, her school—in short, she wanted to get out of here and go back to her _life_.

"My name is Maya," the woman bowed. When she straightened, she folded her arms casually; her hands disappeared into the wide sleeves of her gorgeous red kimono. "And you are Daidouji Tomoyo?"

Tomoyo felt like someone had just hit her across the head, she was so stunned. "H-hai," she said, feeling like a complete idiot. She was starting to sound like Sakura at her most confused or Li at his most lovestruck. It was not a pleasant thought. "Where am I? What happened? Where is everyone?"

Maya hesitated. The girl didn't know. She didn't know at all. Not a clue. This was going to be very difficult. Even though Tomoyo seemed like an incredibly calm, capable person at the moment, there was no telling what this news would do to her. Not many could take this kind of a shock calmly. It was never easy to tell anyone what she was about to tell this girl.

"I want to go home," Tomoyo said suddenly and very bluntly.

"Tomoyo, listen very carefully to me," Maya said slowly and with a very deceptive calm. "You can't go home. Not now and not ever."

"Why the hell not?" Tomoyo actually yelled in shock and anger. Just who did this Maya person think she was, anyway? How dare she say such nonsense! She almost instantly felt a little guilty for yelling at this being she had only just met, but still!

"Tomoyo!" Maya grabbed the teenager's shoulders firmly, forcing Daidouji to look straight into those starry eyes. "Listen to me. You can't go home. Remember how everything around you went silent, and then a lot of things hit you all at once? Remember the pain? Falling through darkness?"

"Hai…but how did you know?" Tomoyo nodded slowly, a little confused, and suddenly not sure if she wanted to hear where this little speech was going.

"Tomoyo…you died," Maya finally said bluntly. "You are no longer among the living."

For a long, silent moment, silence descended over them. Even the bright light around them seemed to dim a little with the shock of Maya's words.

"I…died?" Tomoyo repeated incredulously. She was suddenly aware that she was doing a credible imitation of a fish out of water, but this was just too hard to believe. How could she be dead? There was so much going on. She was supposed to go to the park with her friends today for a picnic and a walk, and she had a big project due at school in two days. And that choral competition next week—she had a big solo! She had to be there to sing it! She couldn't be dead! There was too much to do!

And she had been planning to have that little talk with Eriol soon…

She couldn't be dead.

Numbly, she listened to the explanation she was being given. Something about a car, two teenagers, a dare, coming around the corner…and she had been hit. She had been thrown over the car and landed on the pavement. And she had died there in the middle of the street, a street that was now bright red, splattered with blood—_her_ blood.

Still, she didn't believe what these beings were telling her.

Suddenly, an image appeared before her eyes, forcing her to believe. It was like a terrible, terrible movie, playing itself out in midair, right before her eyes.

She saw the accident. She saw the car come barrelling around the corner at top speed just as she was darting across the street. She saw the car hit her, send her flying, and keep on going. And she saw her own death. She had quickly and quietly passed away while Sakura sobbed over her, hysterical, and Li ran to call an ambulance, though it was already too late. Eriol had stood behind Sakura, frozen, staring blankly at her lifeless body, lying broken on the pavement. It was as if for the first time ever, he was at a complete loss for what to do.

She closed her eyes desperately, trying to shut out the scene, a scene that was just too awful for words. But it persisted. She saw Li returning, Sakura telling him, Sakura hugging her best friend's limp body and sobbing into the long, dark hair. Then Li fell to his knees and put his arms around both Sakura and Tomoyo and, to Tomoyo's shock, also started to cry. And Eriol. He fell to his knees, still pale and staring. He reached out slowly with a trembling hand and touched her hair. He moved slowly, deliberately, and stiffly, like a robot.

Crowds were gathering on the sidewalk, watching, staring, pointing, and whispering over the scene. They were staring at her, like she was some attraction in a freak show. Something to be oohed and aahed over, but not really thought of as being important. Subhuman.

Soon the scream of sirens entered the vision. As the flashing blue and red lights fell over the three figures huddled over the lifeless body in the street, the image faded.

Tomoyo fell to her knees and wrapped her arms around her stomach, trying desperately to warm herself up, to stave off an icy cold that seemed to be coming from deep within. She leaned forward until her forehead was touching the ground, not wanting to look at anyone or anything. She shivered desperately, not wanting to believe, but not having a choice but to believe.

A hand touched her back in a comforting gesture, and warmth flooded through her, fighting off the inner chill and thawing the ice that had formed around her gut. She lifted her head slowly and looked through tear-filled eyes at the woman—no, the _being_ who had introduced herself as Maya. The angel, who was now kneeling beside Tomoyo, watching her with sad yet comforting eyes.

"I know it's not easy," Maya said softly in that voice that so reminded her of bells. "Especially for one as young as you, dearheart. It's never easy, but it's even more difficult in the young. I know. I was a young one as well, even younger than you."

Tomoyo's head snapped up. This beautiful, heavenly being had once been a living, breathing person? Someone who had lived on Earth, among normal people? She had died young?

"How did you—" Tomoyo started, but she stopped. Was this kind of question even remotely acceptable up here? It seemed to her that one did not go around asking how other people…died.

To her surprise, Maya laughed. "To put it delicately, I got sick. And I just never got better. At least, that's what they told me was happening. They told me I was very sick. I was only ten, after all."

Tomoyo nearly choked. "Ten?!?"

"Hai," Maya nodded. "Like I said, I was younger than you. It was so difficult, but it was long ago. It does not bother me to speak of it now. Ask me anything you like."

A million questions raced through Tomoyo's mind, and each one seemed to spawn at least a dozen more. She didn't even know where to begin. This was all just too overwhelming!

"I have an idea," Maya said, seeing the conflict on the girl's face. "Perhaps you would like to see those friends of yours? See what they are doing?"

Two wide, violet eyes stared at her in amazement, and the angel smiled. Something about that expression made Tomoyo seem very young, indeed, far younger than her sixteen years. She looked almost hopeful. "Can I…really?"

"There is a way," Maya nodded. "Come with me." She turned and walked into the light; Tomoyo scampered after her, determined to keep up.

It wasn't long before Maya stopped and turned back to Tomoyo. She pointed towards what looked like a sort of cliff or something similar. "There. For now, at least, you can watch them from there, though they won't know that you watch. There will be more you can do, but that will not come until later. I'll leave you to your friends now." She bowed and turned to leave.

As she turned, Tomoyo noticed something she had somehow failed to see before.

The two large, immaculately white wings spreading from Maya's back.

Shaking herself from her shock, she looked at the place where she had been told she could see her friends. It was a little bit up ahead. Slowly, she inched her way towards the spot. It was a cliff of some kind, or something like it, she thought, as she moved closer.

But when she actually leaned over, she was startled to realize that she was looking down off of a cloud. Fluffly and white, like the softest pillow. And she was standing on it.

She looked around. There were other clouds, and there were people residing on said other clouds as well. Some were looking down, others were simply sitting, while still others were engaged in conversation with their fellow beings. But they all had one thing in common—all had those large, silvery wings sprouting from their backs.

Tomoyo stared at those beings for a long time. They were so beautiful. All of them seemed to be glowing softly. Everyone single one of them looked happy and peaceful.

Then one of them rose from where he—or she, she couldn't quite tell—had been sitting and flapped those wings. A shower of gold rained from the feathers as the beings took flight. This being had light hair, and somehow reminded her of Yue.

Thinking of the Moon Guardian reminded her of why she was here, and she leaned back over the edge of the clouds. If she was as high up as the clouds, then how could she possibly see her friends? This didn't make any sense at all.

But to her surprise, she wasn't seeing the Earth from a bird's eye view.

She was seeing a hospital room, as clearly as if she was actually standing there. And there were people in the room as well. People she knew all too well.

Her heart shattered inside her.

"Okaasan…"

AN: And so we continue. I hope the idea behind this is becoming clearer. From here on out, we'll be skipping around from character to character, possibly POV to POV. Feel free to stick around—especially all you E+T fans, 'cause there's going to be some romance in it. It's a promise, so just wait…thanks for reading!


	3. Okaasan

**AN: **Third chapter. Yay. Enjoy. I don't own CCS. Just my plotline. Oh yeah, and Maya is an OC. So I guess I own her. ^-^ But otherwise, none of the characters belong to me.

**Okaasan**

Daidouji Sonomi leaned back in her office chair and sighed. She loved her job and she loved her company, but she was tired. She wanted to go home.

Suddenly, she sat up in her chair, back ramrod straight, eyes straight ahead. Something was wrong. Something was terribly, terribly wrong.

Mothers have an intuition where their children are concerned. Many mothers have testified to having a terrible feeling at the exact moment when something happens to their child, even if they are some distance apart. That was what Sonomi was experiencing.

Every maternal instinct, every intuitive feeling she had was screaming at her. Something had happened, something awful. And it concerned Tomoyo.

But what?

Moments before, she'd had every intention of going home a little early, having dinner with her daughter, perhaps watching a movie or something before going to bed. It had seemed like a great plan for the evening, considering that she had been in and out of meetings all day. A chance to relax a little.

But now, she was afraid to leave her office. She was afraid to even move. She simply sat in her chair, staring at the top of her desk, waiting for something she couldn't name. The feeling grew worse.

Twenty minutes later, the phone rang. She had almost expected it to ring, but she still jumped a mile, out of her chair and to her feet. She stared at the phone for a minute, as though it had transformed from a simple item to some wonderous artifact.

Then she regained her senses and dove across the desk. She fumbled with the receiver for a minute, as it seemed determined to leap out of her hands; finally, she got a firm grip on it and pressed it against her ear. "Moshi moshi. This is Daidouji."

She listened for a minute.

Her eyes went wide, and her face whitened to the color of paper. The cordless phone receiver slipped from nerveless fingers and fell to the floor.

She left it there; she barely even had the presence of mind to grab her purse on her mad dash out the door. She flew past her secretary and a few of her business associates, without so much as a single word, and out the door.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The double doors that led into the hospital waiting room parted with a bang, making several people jump. Sonomi flew into the room.

"Where is she?" she gasped desperately. "Where's my daughter?"

"Daidouji-san," a blessedly familiar voice said softly to her left.

Sonomi spun around and lunged forward, wrapping the speaker up in a tight hug. "Sakura-chan, thank the gods you're here!" She looked around a little; those two boys were sitting there, staring at the doors that led to the hallways where the patients were housed. It was as if they thought that by staring at the doors, they could make someone come out of them with news. Then Sonomi pulled back and stared the teenager in the eye. "Where's Tomoyo?"

Sakura didn't respond right away; her green eyes, already red rimmed from crying, filled with tears that immediately spilled down her cheeks. "They won't tell us anything!!" She sniffled pathetically. "Tomoyo-chan…"

"Sakura-chan," Sonomi pressed gently. "You were there when it happened?"

A nod.

"Was it…bad?" Sonomi asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.

Sakura looked down for a minute before whispering. "It was…awful. Tomoyo-chan…"

The doors burst open again. "Sakura!"

The sixteen year old girl looked up, and her eyes widened. The look on her face was a mixture of grief and gratitude. "Oniichan!"

Sonomi released Sakura and stood up straight as Kinomoto Touya dove across the room and grabbed his younger sister up into a tight hug. "You okay?"

"Hai, but Tomoyo-chan…" Sakura finally sobbed.

The doors parted again, a little more calmly this time, and Yukito and Fujitaka flew in. "We got your call," Yukito explained. "But Touya took the stairs three at a time." He also dashed across the room and stole Sakura away from her brother for a hug of his own; her father did the same.

"Any word?" Fujitaka asked in a concerned voice.

"Iie."

As if on cue, the doors at the opposite end of the waiting opened, and a man with a stethoscope hanging around his neck stepped out. He looked tired, and not particularly happy.

"Daidouji-san?" he said in a soft, slightly hesitant voice.

Sonomi all but left forward. "Hai?" she asked, a little too hopefully.

"Come with me, please," he gestured towards the doors. Much to his surprise, an entire army of people jumped up and moved towards the swinging doors. "Ano, excuse me, but—"

"It's all right, they're with me," Sonomi said firmly, for once not even caring that the accursed Kinomoto-sensei was amongst the group. All that mattered was Tomoyo. "They're family."

Apparently mollified by this, the doctor led them into what appeared to be his office. He took a seat behind his desk and gestured to a chair positioned opposite him. Sonomi took it; the rest of the crew opted to remain standing by the door.

"Where is my daughter?" she demanded again.

"There was an accident," the doctor explained. "A couple of stupid kids took a dare, went around the corner going about eighty, and hit your daughter."

"I was told about the accident. Now where is my daughter?" Sonomi asked, though it was a little more subdued this time. Somehow, in the darkest recesses of her heart, she knew. _She knew._

"We couldn't save her," the middle-aged man in the immaculate white coat said in the most gentle voice he could manage, but nothing could cushion the blow. Nothing to make this kind of news easier to receive. And the red haired woman sitting in the chair across the desk reacted exactly how he had expected.

Daidouji Sonomi crumpled, actually falling out of her chair into a broken heap on the ground. 

Several pairs of arms closed around her almost instantly, offering and taking comfort. She heard someone sobbing into her shoulder; it sounded suspiciously like Sakura. And it sounded like others were crying—she guessed it to be Li and Hiiragiziwa.

But at that precise moment, she didn't have enough energy to spare to worry about anyone else. She knew they were feeling very much the same way she was, but she just couldn't muster up enough strength to worry about them.

Few people outside of the family and close friends knew just how close Sonomi and Tomoyo really were. In spite of the mother's work schedule and the daughter's schooling and choral practices, they managed to spend quite a good deal of time together.

She sobbed as though her heart was broken. In all probability, it _was broken._

And there was just no way to heal a mother's heart.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tomoyo's eyes were burning. "Okaasan, I'm fine!" she called, belatedly realizing that her mother would not hear her. "Okaasan!" Tears fell, and she pulled away from the scene.

To her surprise, Maya was watching her.

The girl threw an angry glare at the angel, for that was what she assumed Maya was. "Why did you bring me here to see this?"

"I promise you," Maya said calmly, not at all fazed by the teenager's anger, "things will change. Perhaps not now. But in time, I think you will be glad you were able to see them."

"What, be happy I saw my mother cry like that?" Tomoyo spat bitterly, angrily, sadly. "Happy that Sakura-chan and Li-kun and Hiiragiziwa-kun are like that? I don't think I will ever be happy to have seen that, thank you very much."

Maya said nothing more, but smiled knowingly.

Still glaring through her tears, Tomoyo turned back to the dramatic scene still unfolding in the Here-Below, as she thought of it. She didn't want to watch anymore, but something deep within her was compelling her to watch. It was like giving a perpetual drunk the liquor he shouldn't have.

It was becoming more and more clear that nothing here was at all what it seemed. When she had arrived, she had thought that she was in heaven. Then she had started watching this.

Now she wasn't so sure.

With tears streaming down her face, she refocused on her friends and family.

She tore her eyes away almost instantly. Her mother was identifying her body. And she just couldn't bear to watch that. She couldn't handle seeing her own dead body lying there on a cold, metal table beneath a sheet, nor could she deal with watching her mother's reaction.

When she looked back, Kinomoto-sensei was actually carrying her mother out of the hospital. Sakura was clinging to Li as though her own life depended on it, while Touya had one hand on his sister's shoulder. Yukito was half dragging Eriol, who still seemed to be in shock.

Tomoyo's heart broke into even more miniscual pieces.

She had never seen Li or Eriol cry.

AN: This seemed like a pretty good place to end this chapter. I'll hopefully get the next chapter up a little faster. Now we start jumping around, from character to character and POV to POV. And I do know where this story is going—I'm actually almost done with what will be the last chapter.


	4. Loss

**AN: **Hi, I'm back. More story ^-^ Yay. Sorry this is kind of short. Boo. Hiss. But the chapter will be longer a little later on. Promise. Yay again. I don't own CCS. CLAMP does. Poop on a stick.

**Loss**

Touya pushed the door open and let his sister walk in before he did. She didn't even notice the gesture; her eyes were focused on the ground. She hadn't said a single word since they had left the hospital, a remarkable feat for Sakura. She hadn't looked at anyone, either. And she hadn't smiled.

Fujitaka and Yukito filed in behind the girl, both watching her intently. But she didn't seem to notice that they were there either. For all the attention she paid to it, the rest of the world might as well not have even existed.

It was dinnertime, and according to the schedule, it was Sakura's turn to cook. But Touya just couldn't find it in himself to remind her of the fact. Truthfully, he himself wasn't even hungry.

"I'll be in my room, okay?" Sakura said softly. They were the first words she had spoken since the doctor had confirmed that Tomoyo was gone. It was positively unnerving for her to be that quiet. Part of Touya wished that she would start screaming and crying or something.

But she didn't. She simply walked up the stairs towards her bedroom, taking slow, dragging footsteps. Not once did she take her eyes from the floor. A few seconds after she disappeared from sight, the sound of a door closing echoed down the hall.

The three adults still downstairs looked forlornly at the spot where she had last been visible. But there was nothing they could really do.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Kero flew into the air as the door opened and Sakura walked into the room. "Hey, kiddo!"

She looked at the small magical creature for a long moment, then turned away and flopped onto her bed without bothering to reply. She buried her face in her arms.

"Eh?" Kero muttered, landing on the bed beside her. He patted the back of her head. "Hey, is something wrong? You sick or something?"

There was whisper in response, muffled by her arms, and so soft that he could barely hear it. "Tomoyo-chan is dead. She's dead."

"NANI?!?" Kero jumped up into the air. Then he hovered and regarded her with a doubtful look. "This is a joke, right? I mean, you're joking? Haha, Sakura, funny."

She lifted her head, and Kero's jaw dropped. Her eyes were tear-filled, and small streams were running down her face. A damp spot had already formed on the comforter. "Iie, Kero-chan. She's—gone…" Sakura finally lost her composure, and buried her face in the comforter again, sobbing as though her heart was broken.

The little guardian beast floated a few inches above the bed, staring at the sobbing form of his mistress. To say that Kero was shocked would be a drastic understatement. He landed carefully by Sakura's head and continued to watch her cry, unsure of what to do. Finally, he managed a few words. "Tomoyo…is…dead?"

Sakura nodded, but did not speak.

Then she heard a sound she did not recognize. It almost sounded like someone hiccuping. She lifted her head and looked at her Sun Guardian. Her tear-filled eyes widened in amazement.

Kero was _crying_. Tears were falling from the dark eyes and tumbling down the small face, soaking into his fur. He had both paws pressed to his eyes, as though trying to hold the tears in, though the act was in vain. "No way…"

Sakura swept the little creature up into a hug. "I know…I know…"

And they cried together. It was strange, though. The old adage said that pain shared was pain halved. But neither of them felt any better, even though they had someone to mourn with.

It still hurt. It still hurt too much to bear.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The moon was high in the sky. A full moon. Yue's symbol, Sakura thought absently.

Kero was sleeping on her pillow. Her father and brother had gone to bed as well. And that was fine with her. She just needed to be alone with her thoughts for a while. The night was a very good listener.

She closed her eyes and remembered. That instant was forever branded into her memory, no matter how much she desperately wished she could forget it. But right now she made herself think about it. She forced herself to relive that horrible moment again and again within her own mind.

The screeching brakes. Tomoyo being hit. Tomoyo flying through the air. Tomoyo hitting the pavement. Not moving. Blood everywhere. Screaming. Crying…

Tears slid down her face again, though there were no sounds to accompany them. None of the gut-wrenching sobs she had displayed earlier. And she was grateful for that. She didn't want her family to wake up right now. They would be concerned, she knew, and would probably try to get her to talk about it. She didn't want to talk about it, though. She only wanted to think about it.

It was painful, like rubbing salt in an open wound. Yet she made herself go through it again and again. The pain felt strangely good; it was almost masochistic. It was a drug addiction, like feeding a drunk the liquor he shouldn't have. And she couldn't stop.

More tears fell, and she felt the first sob rising in her throat, but she shoved it back down firmly, not allowing it to burst forth and alert anyone to her current state.

It was so hard to believe.

She and Tomoyo had been best friends since the third grade, when they had been seated next to each other in class. Since then, they had been almost inseperable through elementary school, middle school, and into high school. Where many friendships had broken up during the troubled time of adolescence, theirs had actually grown closer and deeper. They were sisters in everything but blood. They knew each other inside and out, knew each other's deepest, darkest secrets, and accepted it all. It was the kind of friendship some people only dreamed about.

The Clow Cards. Sakura almost smiled at those memories. Way back in elementary school, during her days as Cardcaptor Sakura. Tomoyo had found out the day after her first capture. She had captured Sakura's first flight on camera; Sakura had panicked, and Kero had leapt to her aid—right in the middle of their classroom.

That had been the moment when the Cardcaptor _team_ had been born. Later, it had grown to include Syaoran and Meilin as well. Sakura was the Cardcaptor, Li was the know-how, Kero was the advice, Meilin was the noise, and Tomoyo was the videographer, costume designer, despenser of advice, and occasional crying shoulder.

She had once confided that she sometimes felt like a 'groupie,' but that she wouldn't let that stop her from documenting every single moment of Sakura's bravery that she could. Sakura had laughed and made some comment to the effect that Tomoyo would always be there to record, no matter what.

Excpet that wasn't true. Tomoyo wasn't here to record anymore. The videocamera, Tomoyo's signature of sorts, had been found in the bag she'd been carrying. But it was all but shattered from the impact. Broken. Just like Tomoyo.

Just like Sakura.

And the moon continued to shine, showering the sleeping city of Tomoeda with its soft light.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tomoyo ran an angry hand through her hair and fought back tears of her own.

Maya had absented herself, and it was probably a good thing that she had. If she hadn't, there was no telling what Tomoyo would have done if there had been someone to take her feelings out on. For all she knew, she might have tried to punch the angel—she knew for sure that that's what Maya was.

But alone, she merely clenched her fists so hard that her nails dug into her fists and closed her eyes against the sight of her perpetually cheerful best friend crying silently, alone in her room, with only the moonlight for company.

"Sakura-chan…"

AN: I know I'm very cruel to poor Sakura, but she's a lot deeper than she appears sometimes. Besides, if you were sixteen years old and your best friend in the world was killed in a freak accident right in front of you, wouldn't you go a little crazy? I would. So Sakura's majorly depressed. That's my reasoning. Until next chapter, ciao.


	5. Gone

**AN: Hello, again. All of a sudden, I am REALLY into this fic. Maybe I'm just too morbid or something, but hey—I love angst!!! And here, a brand-new angst filled chapter for your enjoyment…if you like angst, that is. If you don't, you might not like it that much. I don't know…don't own CCS either. Just my plotline, and Maya, one of the very few original characters you'll ever see me use.**

Also, I'd like to take an opportunity to thank my wonderful, glorious, supremely awesome reviewers!!!

Silverium

Silentheaven

Taichi2201

jfka;l

BlackSpark

Saiyachick

Celestial Princess

Dana Daidouji

Jaina

Kiawawata—special thanks to you. Those are some of the nicest reviews I've ever gotten!

I love you all!!!!! Wuvs and kisses and chocolate bars to each and every single one of you!!!!

**Chapter Five—Gone**

One hand rested on the doorknob, the other was shoved into a pocket; his forehead was pressed against the door, and he sighed miserably.

Li Syaoran had been through a lot in his life. Less than some, but still more than what most normal sixteen years could say they had seen and accomplished in their short lifetimes.

He had been trained since he was born to be a warrior, a sorceror, exactly as the Clan leader was supposed to be. Hard, cool, logical, and determined. Stubborn would be a good word as well. At age ten, he had been sent from his home to retrieve the Clow Cards, his ancestor's legacy. He'd lost out on that to a girl, who had come under attack shortly thereafter. He had defended her, and somewhere along the line, he had even managed to fall in love with her. He'd gone back to Hong Kong, returned, nearly been sucked into a Void, and then found out that the object of his desire loved him back.

But no matter how much things had been in flux around him and around Sakura, one thing had always been fairly consistent. Tomoyo had been there, an outrageous costume for the Card Mistress in one hand and a video camera in the other, and enough advice and support to help the entire city.

But no more.

And there was one aspect of the whole thing that wrenched at Syaoran's heart more than almost anything else, save for seeing Sakura's pain.

It had gotten colder. This afternoon had been warm and sunny, the perfect day for the picnic they had been planning. Now the darkening sky was cloudly. It looked like it might rain. And it was chilly out. Some part of him thought it would be worth it to stand outside in the cold and the rain and catch pneumonia or something, just so he could continue feeling sorry for himself, but then he decided against it. It would just worry a whole lot of people who didn't need to be worried at this time.

Like Sakura.

With another pained sigh, Syaoran turned the doorknob and walked into his apartment, pushing the door closed behind him. Then he flopped back and leaned against the door for a moment, not yet ready to walk into the kitchen and face Wei.

He remained there for a few minutes, and would have stayed longer had a voice not called out to him. "Syaoran-sama?"

Li took a deep breath and replied, "Hai, I'm home." He kicked off his shoes and started slowly down the hall, leaving his shoes by the door. He meandered into the kitchen, where his older teacher and friend was busily preparing dinner.

Wei turned his head as though to say something, but stopped immediately. He took a good look at Syaoran before speaking. "Did something happen?"

Syaoran blinked in surprise at the old man's perceptiveness. "H-hai…"

"Would you like to share?" Wei asked, concerned. "Or would you rather not?"

For some reason, Syaoran couldn't find it in him to say no. "There was an…accident. Daid—Tomoyo was hit by a car, and—" he paused, "—she….died."

Wei gasped and dropped the spoon he had been using to stir something in a pan. He said something in rapid Mandarin.

"Sakura was really broken up…" Syaoran continued, not wanting to admit his own heartbreak just yet. It went against everything he had been taught from the time he was very young. Then, seeing the question he was about to be asked, he waved a hand in the air as though brushing away a bothersome fly. "I'm fine. I'm just…I'll be in my room."

Without another word, he turned and stumbled from the kitchen, down the hall, and into his room. He closed the door behind him before flinging himself onto the bed. He punched his pillow a few times, trying to somehow make some of his emotions leave through his fist. It didn't work, and he ended up giving up on punching the pillow and just buried his face in it.

There was too much going on, both inside his head and inside the pieces of his heart. Too much for him to sort through or identify, and it almost bothered him, though there was something that was bothering him even more about what had happened today.

He was the future leader of the Li Clan, the most powerful family in China. He was a warrior and a sorceror. Emotions were not supposed to be a part of his life. He was ruthless, daring, as cold as the snow.

Well, if he was the snow, then Sakura and Tomoyo—both of them—were the warm, vibrant spring that had melted the ice away to reveal the dormant beauty.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized exactly how important Tomoyo really had been to him. Not the same kind of important as Sakura, of course, but equally important in a different manner. Not even important like a best friend. Almost important like a sister.

And it had been Tomoyo who had been behind him the entire time, listening to his feelings about Sakura, giving him advice on how to handle it, and gently prodding him towards the moment when he could finally confess to his cherry blossom. That had been Tomoyo's work more than his. Well, he probably would have gotten up the nerve to tell Sakura the truth eventually. But without her—their, actually—best friend's support, it could have very well taken years.

He was reliving it now, just as he guessed Sakura was. Seeing that moment of impact over and over again. Hearing the screams, and realizing that one of them was coming from his own mouth. Then running, running like never before with a speed he didn't know he had. His thoughts repeating themselves over and over, telling him he had to get to a phone and call an ambulance. Coming back and finding out it was already too late. And Sakura…

Sakura was probably eating herself up over it more than he was. And a part of him was scared by that. He was having enough trouble coping with his own emotions, his own shock, his own grief. How on Earth was he going to help Sakura get over her broken heart when he could barely handle his own?

_But she has her brother, and her father, and Yukito, and everyone at school to help her too… he reminded himself; sometimes that little voice of logic in his head was a pain, but right now, it was truly a godsend. _And you have Wei, and everyone at school too…there are plenty of people for both of you.__

Suddenly, he felt something strange. His eyes were burning.

He lifted one hand and brushed a finger against his cheek. It came away damp.

Eyes burning, face damp…

He blinked, and felt tears running from his eyes. _Am I…crying? he asked himself in surprise. Li Syaoran did not cry. Yet here he was, trying to rub the tears from his eyes, and not succeeding in the least. Every time he brushed some away, more formed to replace them._

"Kuso…" he cursed under his breath, but the word came out ragged.

The doorknob turned, and the door opened a mere crack, enough for an older man to peer inside. "Syaoran-sama," Wei said softly through the darkness. "Are you all right?"

"H-hai…" Syaoran tried to say it forcefully, but his voice cracked.

Then something broke, and he lost any semblance of control. Li Syaoran broke down and cried. He cried for Tomoyo, he cried for Sakura, and he cried for himself.

Out of everything that had happened today, one thing ate at Syaoran more than almost anything else. One thing that might haunt him forever. He had been the one to run and call the ambulance.

Because of that, he hadn't been there when Tomoyo had died.

He didn't get to say goodbye.

AN: Awww, poor Syaoran-kun. Next chapter…at school a few days later. Bet you thought it was going to be Eriol's POV, didn't you? Well, not yet. I need to integrate an element of time into this. The Eriol chapter will be the one after next. Already have it written, and I'm extremely proud of it. He's extremely easy to angstify. Is that even a word? I made up a word!!!!

The part about the snow and spring melting it away was actually something I borrowed from Fruits Basket, another fantastique anime. Shojo rules!!! Put it this way: one of my fave characters on that show is Momiji, a fifteen year old boy with blonde hair and brown eyes. He looks like a girl, acts like a girl, dresses in pastel colors with lots of frills, frequently wears a girl's uniform to school, and turns into a rabbit whenever a girl hugs him. Need I say more? There. A completely unnecessary plug for one of my other fave animes.

Anyway, thank you, my wonderful reviewers, as always. Ja ne!


	6. School

**AN: **I love my reviewers!! You all rule!!! Honestly, reviews like the ones I've been getting are the reason I keep writing this fic. It's all because of you guys *applauds wildly* So here you are, a brand new chapter for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!!! I don't own CCS—CLAMP does. On the other hand, CLAMP doesn't own my plotline—I do. WHEE!!! I OWN SOMETHING!!!!

This chapter and the next one are centered around Tomoyo's friends (Eriol is not this chapter, but the next one!), and then I intend to do a Tomoyo and Maya centered chappie. Maya's fun. I like having a character who knows just about everything. Okay, enough of my hopeless prattling, on with the fic.

**Chapter Six—School**

It had been three days. Three days since the accident that had stolen Tomoyo away from the world. And three days since a few specific people had been in school.

Today they were going back. Sakura, Syaoran, and Eriol all walked together, deciding it would be easier to face everything when united. The accident had been all over the news—Daidouji Tomoyo, daughter of Daidouji Sonomi, president of the Daidouji Toy Company, one of the wealthiest women in the world, had been killed in a car accident by a couple of idiot kids out on a dare.

They already knew that everyone in the school would know about what had happened. What they weren't quite sure of was how everyone would react to it, and what kind of questions might be asked.

Sakura's hand unconsciously reached out, and she was surprised when she found Syaoran's hand seeking hers. Their fingers interlocked; she shot him a sidways glance, and he gave her the weakest of smiles. It wasn't much, but the comfort was there.

Eriol's eyes were focused straight ahead, as though he was conducting an in-depth study of the leaves on the sidewalk. His hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his jacket.

The school gate loomed above them all too soon. The dark iron-wrought gate seemed strangely foreboding. It even managed to creak menacingly on its hinges as they pushed it open. They were running a little bit late, but they each had a note excusing their tardiness.

After changing shoes and depositing jackets in the locker room, they made a stop in the front office to get their passes to class and headed up the stairs towards their classroom. The moment of truth.

The three teens stopped outside the closed classroom door and stared at it for a very long time. None of them wanted to go in, and it somehow helped to just prolong the inevitable for a while.

But finally, Syaoran took a deep breath and slid the door open.

Mioko-sensei, who had been lecturing at the front of the room over some major historical event, stopped talking; he looked mildly irritated at the interruption, but at the same time, he looked sympathetic. Every eye in the room turned to look at the three late arrivals.

They each murmured something that vaguely sounded like 'gomen nasai' before trudging to their seats at the back of the room. Most of their classmates stared after them. So their three day absence hadn't gone unnoticed, and judging by certain stares, word had gotten around that they knew about the accident.

Just peachy.

The classes seemed to drag on for eternities, and yet they were over far too soon. Not many people were even really paying attention. The big news of the moment was still the most prevalent thing on everyone's mind, and that's where the majority of their attention was, much to the displeasure of their teachers, who were trying to carry on normally, and getting very little cooperation for their efforts.

Finally, Mayo-sensei smashed her book covers together and slammed the aforementioned book down on her desk. The two very sudden, very loud sounds made the entire class—who had been quite nicely zoning out—jump a mile. One student actually fell out of his chair and stared up at her from the floor with the same wide eyes as the rest of the class.

The teacher looked back at them. "Well, this is the first time I've had your attention in the past three days. It appears that you have far more important things on your minds than this algebra lesson." Her expression softened a little. "I know you're all upset over what happened to Daidouji-san, but we have to try and go on normally. I don't think it's going to happen today, so take the rest of the period and get it out of your system now." She gathered her notes. "Tomorrow, it's down to work."

Once they were certain that she wasn't joking, the class burst into a flurry of whispers that steadily grew louder until they were far past what their kindergarten teachers had referred to as their 'indoor voices.' It was a surprise that none of the other teachers had come in to see what the commotion was all about, they were making so much noise.

And the axe finally fell.

"Sakura-chan!" Naoko grabbed Sakura's shoulders. "Is it true? You were there when it happened?" No one had to ask what 'it' was. They all knew.

Sakura nodded mutely.

"I'm sorry," Naoko said softly. "I know you're upset. It's just that no one really seems to know what actually happened. We just want to know the truth." By this time, the old group had joined her around Sakura's desk. In addition to Naoko, there was now also Rika, Chiharu, and Yamazaki, who was looking exceptionally subdued. According to Chiharu, he hadn't told a single whopper since hearing of the accident. Not even a small lie.

Syaoran shot a glance over his shoulder at his girlfriend. She was looking extremely pale, and there was a slight, almost invisible quiver to her chin that said that if something wasn't done, she was going to lose what scraps of self-control she had managed to scrounge together.

He made a quick decision and stepped in. "I'll tell you," he volunteered, knowing he would pay for it himself later. "I was there too."

The attention immediately zoomed in on him.

"We don't want anyone to get upset," Rika pointed out; always the mature one, she had apparently noticed Sakura's distress, as she had one hand on Sakura's back in a caring maternal gesture. "But Tomoyo-chan was our friend too."

Syaoran gestured towards a vacant corner in the front of the room, deciding it would be wise not to tell the story with Sakura within hearing range. They moved away, and Sakura had to visibly fight to get herself back under tight control.

Throughout this whole exchange, Eriol had been silent, still, not volunteering anything. He was almost hoping that they wouldn't notice he was there.

Then a hand came to rest on his shoulder. "Hey."

Yamazaki.

"Hey," Eriol murmured back.

"You're not okay." It was a question phrased as a statement.

"No, I'm not."

"Anything I can do?"

"I don't know."

Yamazaki patted his shoulder; his usual goofy smile, the one he wore when telling one of his famous lies, was absent from his face. This was a side of him almost no one had ever seen. He was being _serious_. "Let me know if I can help."

"Okay," Eriol nodded, not sure if there was anything anyone could do to help, but appreciating the gesture of one of his good friends. Yamazaki moved to the front of the room to join his girlfriend and crew to get the scoop from Li, who looked like he would rather swallow a live tarantula than recount the tale.

But better him than Sakura. She looked ready to break.

Lunch wasn't much better. No one smiled or said much. It was almost boring without Tomoyo jumping around, trusty video camera in hand. Or, as Syaoran had once referred to it, the Eye of Satan. They had laughed and tolerated their friend's hobby. Now, they would have given anything to have that dark, glassy, mechanical eye shoved in their faces again.

The rest of their classes weren't any better. But the end of the day finally came, to the relief of everyone, teachers included. They had no one's attention at all.

Sakura bolted from the classroom the instant the bell rang, and was gone before Syaoran could even move. She'd been waiting for that bell to sound since she had arrived, and finally, they were all free from this torture.

Eriol moved slowly, lagging behind everyone else. He even shooed Syaoran out of the room with instructions to find Sakura before she had a breakdown. He gathered his belongings and waited at his desk until the crowds had cleared from the hallway before making his way down the stairs and out of the school.

Meanwhile, Syaoran found Sakura slumped against a tree behind the school, safe enough from prying eyes. She was crying again. He didn't say anything; he just put his arms around her and let her cry.

It was a touching moment with only one witness.

Hiiragiziwa Eriol watched Syaoran comfort Sakura for a moment, then turned away from the scene and began the trek towards his home.

Alone.

**AN: **Not my best…ugh. I based this part mostly on the kind of thing that would happen at my high school if/when stuff like this happened. Big news=lots of gossip and questions, and not much attention being paid in class. My school was just freakin' nosy.

I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to review, offer feedback, comments, suggestions, etc. I love you all!!! I think this story has pretty much jumped to the top of my priority list, right next to "Nightingale" so I should be updating kind of frequently. I'd love it if everyone stopped in for the next chapter—Eriol!!!! Oh yes, Hiiragiziwa-kun was a ton o' fun, heehee.


	7. Loneliness

**AN: **I love angst. Can you tell? This is how I make myself feel better after a bad day—I write about people who are having a worse time than I am. It's incredibly effective ^-^ Anyway, as promised, we finally take a dive into the mind of Hiiragiziwa Eriol. A little romance in this chappie. I don't own CCS.

**Loneliness**

The evening wind danced through the small jungle of plants that made up Hiiragiziwa Eriol's backyard garden. The size and beauty of it was absolutely astonishing, an amazing feat of gardening from a young man with one hell of a green thumb. But anyone who really knew anything about Eriol would have been able to figure out pretty easily that there was at least a little bit of magic involved in the splendor of the garden. But then again, what would one expect from the reincarnation of Clow Reed?

At the moment, Eriol himself was sitting in the garden. He was on his knees, gloved hands in fists on his thighs. He didn't move at all. His eyes were staring straight ahead at some unknown target; he rarely even blinked. The breeze moved through his fine, dark hair, and still he did not budge. He almost resembled a statue of white and blue marble.

The sun was setting behind him; it threw the last of its rays into the sky, splashing the heavens with red and pink, orange and gold. With the flowers in the garden moving gently around him in the wind, it looked like a painting in a museum, or a scene from a movie.

But this was neither art nor movie. This was a living, breathing person.

He had been sitting there like that for quite some time, unmoving. But it had not gone unnoticed.

A tall figure was standing a few feet away, also still. This one was watching Eriol with sad, sympathetic, ruby-colored eyes. The wind swept up her long, chestnut hair, making it dance around her like brown silk. But she ignored it. She had been watching for a while now—he'd been out there since shortly after coming home from school—and she had finally had enough.

"Eriol," she said softly.

The way he jumped a mile at the sound of her voice, one would have thought that a cannon had gone off right beside him. He looked around blankly for a moment before his dark eyes focused in on the watcher. "Ah…Nakuru…is something wrong?"

A heavy sigh blew past her lips, and she marched right up to him and took hold of his arm. "You are coming inside. Now." She held up a hand to silence the protests she knew were coming. "Eriol, you've been sitting out here for hours. It's going to be dark soon. Come on, you should eat something."

"I'm not hungry," he said in a flat monotone. Nakuru took a very close, careful look at his face, and a shiver ran down her spine. His eyes were dead, cold, lifeless. She had never seen him like that.

"I don't care if you're hungry or not. You're going to eat something," Nakuru said firmly, pulling him forcibly to his feet. "You'll eat if I have to forcefeed you myself."

"You're ordering me around?!" he snapped, suddenly furious. "Who do you think you are?"

Nakuru let go of his arm and jumped back. Eriol had never spoken to her like that, not once in all the time they had been friends. Actually, never since he had created her. Fear flashed across her eyes; it was brief, but he didn't miss it. Nor did he miss the fact that her chin immediately started quivering, or the tears that were starting to well up in her wide eyes.

He sighed, feeling appropriately guilty. His momentary anger drained away to be replaced by something he couldn't even begin to name. "Gomen nasai. It's just—"

"I know," she said softly; the tears didn't leave her eyes, though. The accident had hit everyone hard, as Tomoyo had been almost universally loved by those who knew her, including the guardians. "It hasn't been easy for us either. But you still need to take care of yourself."

Eriol didn't answer, but he did allow himself to be led back into the house. That had actually been happening a lot lately. Nakuru and Spinel were proving themselves to really be his Guardians; he was so out of it that they were having to take of him, rather than the other way around.

Once back inside the large mansion he called home, Eriol managed to wriggle away from Nakuru and tiptoe off into library. But only after he had sworn on the Clow Cards that he would eat something. Spinel was not there, and for that Eriol was thankful. He wanted to be alone.

He all but collapsed into the huge red chair he so favored. Spinel had once dubbed it to be 'The Throne of Evil,' because it was Eriol's preferred perch when he was making trouble or contemplating make trouble. But trouble wasn't on his mind then. He just wanted to sit and be alone with his jumbled, chaotic thoughts. There was so much he still needed to sort out within the confines of his own mind.

It took only a minor inflection of his power to make the log in the fireplace explode into flame. The orange-yellow glow from the fire cast shadows across the room, the furniture, and Eriol's face. Suddenly, he looked older, and very tired.

He stared blankly into the flames, letting nothing register on his face.

He, along with Sakura and Syaoran, had gone back to school the day before. The news had beaten them there, and the entire class—everyone who had known Tomoyo, actually—had still been wandering in a daze, even when it had nearly been a week since the accident that had stolen her away.

Had it already been four days? Had it already been four days since Daidouji Tomoyo had died right in front of him? Granted, death was nothing new to Eriol. After all, a good part of himself had actually been the result of a death, the death of Clow Reed. He wasn't really a stranger to death. But Daidouji's death, right in front of him, mere yards away, had shaken him more than he let anyone see.

Death was natural, he kept telling himself. People died every day.

But getting hit by a car wasn't natural, he was then forced to remind himself. And although people died every day, they weren't people that he knew. They weren't people he cared about. And they didn't die five or six feet away from him.

And if death was so natural, then why did it haunt him? Why did he see her sprawled across the pavement every time he closed his eyes? Why did he see splatters of red every time he crossed the street? Why did he always hear screeching tires and screams when the room around him went silent? And why did the tears continue to fall?

Eriol had never cried. Not that he could remember. He didn't cry. Until now.

He took a very small amount of satisfaction in knowing that the idiots who had killed Tomoyo were in prison, awaiting trial for vehicular homicide. It wasn't much, but it was something. And at this point, he clung to that something like it was his only hope.

Because it was.

His hands itched. His fingers were aching again. They had been ever since, when he had actually gotten up the nerve to reach out and touch her hair. When she was lying dead in Sakura's arms.

He shuddered to think of anyone like that, let alone _her._

He tried to shake the images from his mind, and instead focused on the fire. He needed to think about something else to try and keep his mind off of Daidouji-san. He studied the flames, way they reached upwards, licking at the stones of the fireplace. So bright, so warm, capable of making any room inviting and comfortable. Just like her…

A quick shake of the head dislodged the thought.

Think about something else. Think about sitting down to dinner, a huge affair with entertainment, maybe music or theatre or some such thing; a dinner with good food and better wine, perhaps. She was always an amazing cook…

Again. He had done it again.

Something else. Focus on something entirely different to take his mind off her. Think about night, a clear, beautiful night, with a full moon and innumerable stars in a black-blue velvet sky overhead, and sinking into a nice, warm feather bed…

Eriol's sixteen-year-old, hormone-driven mind stopped _that particular little train of thought—or could it be called a fantasy?—before it even got started._

"Kuso…" he swore under his breath. "Everything I think about turns into her."

"Eriol?"

He didn't turn around. "Hai?"

Nakuru stepped around into view; she was holding a tray with some kind of sustenance on it. "Here. You promised you'd eat something."

He sighed unhappily; his eyes still bore into the flames, as though they held the answer to life itself. "Why did it have to be her?"

"I don't know," she said honestly. She waited a minute, but he didn't say anything else. It was one of the few times in Nakuru's life that she just gave up. "I'll leave it here. If you don't eat it, I'll be forced to do something…unkind." She set the tray on a table and moved towards the door.

He managed the absolute tiniest of smiles. She was worried, and he understood that. And, though he wouldn't come right out and say it, he appreciated it. Sometimes it helped even the tiniest bit to know that someone cared that much.

She backed out of the room and closed the door behind her. Spinel was waiting, hovering in the air. The little magical creature looked at her expectantly. "Well?"

"We're probably going to have to forcefeed him, and then he'll be angry as well as lonely and depressed," Nakuru ran her fingers through her long hair. "This is just a lose-lose situation."

"It doesn't help that there's still the funeral," Spinel pointed out.

"I've never seen him like this, Suppie. What are we supposed to do?" she asked desperately.

Spinel Sun did not reply, not even to challenge his hated nickname.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The room grew darker and darker as the fire grew smaller and smaller, wasting away to mere embers and the faintest of glows. It was dying.

Like him. He felt like he was dying.

The last flickering flames were reflected in his gray-blue eyes; the light caught something else, something shimmering in his eyes.

It was one of the few times in his life that Hiiragiziwa Eriol had ever given up. He gave up trying to distract himself, gave up trying to make himself think of other things. It wasn't worth it.

He allowed his mind the total freedom to wander wherever it wanted, even though he knew exactly what he was going to think about. No matter how much it hurt, why fight the inevitable? It was like trying to stop a moving bus by hanging onto the rear bumper.

Long, dark hair, hanging around her like a waterfall of black silk. A smile as bright as daybreak, as beautiful as the moon. Eyes, molten purple, pools of liquid amethyst, warm and understanding.

As one slow, solitary tear managed to escape from his eye and roll down his face, he finally admitted it. To the room, to the dying fire, and to himself.

"I loved her…" Eriol whispered as the light sputtered and died.

Only the night heard.

The night, and an unseen watcher, perched on a cloud.

AN: Eriol is incredibly angst-worthy, ne? It works for him. I hope you liked it. The next chapter is going to be the funeral. I know nothing about Japanese funeral customs, and I'm too lazy to do research, so it's going to be a Western-style funeral, following more of the Catholic tradition ('cause that's what I am).

Also, someone asked me how there would be any ExT romance in this fic if one of them was dead. Trust me. I have my ways. You'll see. It just won't happen for a while yet. It'll be closer to the end. I have quite a bit of stuff to put into this fic before I finish it up. Until the next chapter, ciao!


	8. Funeral

AN: *runs screaming in terror from enraged readers* Don't kill me!!!!! Here, here, here's a new chapter!!! Now leave me!! Please don't kill me!!! EEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!! *pant pant pant* I'm sorry. I just haven't been in the mood to write much lately, and time has kind of been of the essence, so…yeah. You all know the drill. College life, it is.

Also, I would like to point out that I know nothing about Japanese funeral customs, and I'm too lazy to do any research, so this will be a western-style funeral. But I do know that in Japan, they wear white as a mourning color, rather than black. So that's what's up with that.

I don't own CCS. Just my plotline and my OC, Maya. I also don't own the poem used in this chapter. It's a Robert Frost poem, one of my faves.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go tie Meg down. Why must she insist on doing the hula around my dorm room, on my desk, on my loft, on my futon, into the hall, across the hall into Karissa and Kelly's room, down the hall, into the lounge, back into my room, and…oh geez. Meg, hun, you have a very nice butt, but please get it out of my face!!!! I'm working here, dammit!!!!!!

I love my friends. *Candyland huggles her friends so hard they turn blue*

**Chapter Eight—Funeral**

Five days had passed. Almost a week.

The sun was already shining cheerfully in a clear azure sky. It was a beautiful day, the kind of day children dreamed about, as it was perfect for playing outside.

Kinomoto Sakura rolled over and opened her eyes. She blinked sleepily and sat up; stray locks of auburn hair tumbled into her eyes. She moved one hand slowly to brush the runaway strands out of her face. It was not a good morning.

Her head turned, almost mechanically, and she stared at the sunlight playing across her bedroom floor. It caught several dust mites and reflected them; they kind of sparkled. Then her stare hardened into a full blown glare, not that the sunshine really cared.

It was sunny. How dare it be sunny today?

Then her glare softened into sadness. It wasn't allowed to be sunny today. Sunshine was cheerful, and there was no reason to be that happy today.

Today was Tomoyo-chan's funeral. Today, she would bury the girl she had called her best friend since the third grade. And the goddamn sun had the nerve to shine. It was not a good morning.

She slid soundlessly out of bed and tiptoed across the room to peer into the drawer that served as Kero-chan's bedroom. The little guardian was still sound asleep. Not surprising, considering that it was still fairly early—by Kero's standards, anyway.

But on the bright side, she was—for all intents and purposes—was alone.

It was nice to be alone right now. She didn't want to share her thoughts with anyone. No one could really understand what she was going through. Everyone was mourning, and going through grief. But her's was on a different level. It was nowhere near what Sonomi was going through—she wasn't foolish enough to think that anything could compare with a mother's despair over the loss of a child. But it was different from Syaoran's and Eriol's and probably everyone else's as well. It was hard to explain.

Somehow, she had hoped that she would wake up this morning, and discover that the past week had been nothing but a dream, a horrible nightmare. She would get up, get dressed, go downstairs, Touya would call her a kaijuu, she would yell at him and stomp on his foot, and then they would have breakfast. Just like always. Then she would go to school, just barely make it into the classroom before the teacher arrived, and drop into her desk. Just like always. And Tomoyo would be sitting in her desk, chatting with Eriol and Li. They would pause in the conversation long enough to bid her three different greetings: "Ohayo, Sakura-chan!" "Ohayo, Sakura-san!" and "Ohayo." The last, of course, would be Syaoran. Then class would begin, and the conversation would become a bit more covert during the teacher's lectures.

Just like always.

Well, not anymore.

That kind of 'just like always' just didn't exist anymore.

"Sakura! Breakfast!" Touya's voice rang up from the vicinity of the kitchen, interrupting her thoughts and stirring her back to reality, that this wasn't a nightmare.

Some small part of her mind—the part that seemed to notice anything and everything and was documenting even the smallest details to memory—noticed the absence of the annoying jibe that her brother used as an endearing nickname. He hadn't called her a kaijuu since the accident.

But the fact was for the most part lost on her, and she called back, "Hai!"

She slipped over to the closet and flipped through hangers until she found the outfit she had been searching for. She hadn't had many occasions to wear this particular outfit, but now, it was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

It was a kimono style dress, immaculately white. The design was simple—knee length, short sleeved, with a high, Chinese-style collar. The dress was mostly unornamented, with a few cherry blossoms, of all things, sparsely embroidered on one shoulder.

As she pulled the outfit on over her head, Kero floated out of his drawer, yawning. He perched on the edge of the desk and watched her straighten the dress. "You look nice, Sakura."

"Arigatou," she said softly, glancing in the mirror. She looked pale, and the dress did nothing to help her palor. But yes, she did look quite nice.

"Sakura!" Touya called again.

"Coming!" she hollered before turning back to the mirror and taking a brush to her hair. It felt strange to think that she was preparing herself for the funeral of her best friend.

Sakura pulled her hair away from her face, and paused momentarily before selecting a pink ribbon, rather than a white one, to tie her hair back. She didn't know why she went with her trademark rose shade rather than the colorless one. But she really didn't care. Then she headed for the door.

"I'll have a bag with me, Kero-chan," she said quietly, pausing with one hand on the doorknob. "So you can come along. Spinel-san will be there as well. At least, that's what Eriol-kun told me." Then she left the room, heading downstairs for breakfast.

Kero stared at the door, at the spot where she had stopped. He hated seeing her so sad, but there really wasn't anything he could do, except sit there and watch her cry. And she had been crying a lot as of late. Almost nonstop, it seemed.

"Sakura…" the little magical creature sighed unhappily. But there was nothing he could do.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ohayo," Sakura mumbled, unnaturally subdued, as she slid into her chair at the table.

"Ohayo," Touya said back, watching his sister carefully. She wasn't looking at him, so she didn't notice his scrutiny. But he was worried, and her behavior wasn't easing his anxiety at all. "Hungry?"

"Not really," she muttered back. She seemed to mutter a lot lately.

Touya set a plate down in front of her. "You need to eat something, hungry or not. It's going to be a very long day." He studied her for a moment. She looked so pale in the white dress. "Are you feeling all right? I mean, aside from the obvious."

She shook her head. "I'm fine. I'll eat. Just please leave me alone."

With a sigh, he obliged her, taking his own seat across the table and digging into his own breakfast. But he kept one eye intently focused on his little sister—who really wasn't so little anymore. She sat there, using her chopsticks to push her food around her plate, but not really eating anything.

Touya was on the verge of saying something when Sakura suddenly stood up. "Arigatou, onii-chan. I'm done." She all but ran for the door.

"You didn't eat anything!" Touya finally blurted out.

But she was already gone, dashing back upstairs to safety. Kero was sitting on the bed; he looked up at the door when she came back in. "That was fast."

"I'm not hungry," she said flatly, the same thing she had told her brother. Then she sighed. "It's really happening, isn't it? We're really burying her today, aren't we?"

Kero nodded slowly.

Sakura didn't say anything else, but the look on her face said enough.

And the sun still dared to shine.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sakura stood forlornly in the pew; she was positioned between her brother and Daidouji Sonomi. Fujitaka, ever the gentleman, had taken a spot on Sonomi's other side, and for once she hadn't protested. He had been a great help to her in the days following her daughter's sudden death.

"This is so sad," Yukito said from the other side of Touya, and the latter nodded mutely.

There were no classes for Sakura's school today, as so many students had called in that they would be absent from school to attend the funeral. It had been taken into consideration that Tomoyo had been blessed with many friends, and so it had been deemed an open service, with the front pew reserved for family, and the pews directly behind them reserved for close friends.

But the Kinomotos had been ushered into the very front row, apparently at Sonomi's own request.

Sakura turned and looked around behind her. Some of her closest friends were standing in a row behind her: Naoko, Chiharu, Yamazaki, Rika, even Terada-sensei. The girls were in white; the men were in suits, and Chiharu was openly sobbing, with Yamazaki doing his best to comfort her. Mizuki Kaho was a few rows back. But there were still a couple of very important peoeple missing…

As if the thought itself had summoned them, the door at the back of the church opened, and three people trailed in. Hiiragiziwa Eriol and Li Syaoran, both in khakis and blazers. Akizuki Nakuru, wearing a white dress and carrying a fairly large purse which, Sakura assumed, held Spinel Sun. The Moon Guardian was looking incredibly subdued. Sad, even. It was not normal for her.

The three filed into the row behind her, and manaed to stand directly behind Sakura. They didn't say anything, as if by an unspoken agreement, but offered mere nods in greeting. Nakuru looked forlornly at the young Card Mistress, then reached into her purse and withdrew what appeared to be a small stuffed animal—a black, cat-like plushie, with small semi-transparent wings on its back. At least, that's what it would have appeared as to anyone who didn't know better. Spinel had wanted to come to the funeral, and this had been the arrangement. It would perhaps seem a little odd that someone who looked to be around eighteen years old would hold a plush toy for comfort, but then again, whatever worked.

At Sakura's side, her own purse moved a little. Kero-chan was squirming about. But it had been agreed that when the service began, she would take him from her purse, and he would sit in her lap, unmoving, doing his plush toy imitiation, so that he, too, could watch. That was the plan—he would simply be a stuffed animal, something she could hold onto during the service for comfort.

Suddenly, music began playing. Sakura didn't recognize the song, but she knew what it meant. The funeral was starting. She stood, as did everyone else, and turned towards the back of the church to watch as the casket was rolled in. It was a long, white coffin, with an enormous floral arrangement fixed on the top. The majority of the flowers were cherry blossoms, Sakura noticed absently. Once again, there was that little corner of her brain, documenting every little detail and logging away every little thing.

But she wasn't paying much attention to that right then. She was too busy trying to figure out how it could be Tomoyo in there. It just couldn't be. It was someone else, it had to be someone else in there. But it wasn't. She knew it, and she understood it, but she couldn't accept it.

It was wheeled down the center aisle of the church, and positioned at the front in the very center. 

The priest stepped behind the casket, and the service began.

Sakura spent most of the homily in a daze, with Kero-chan sitting quietly in her lap. She couldn't really hear much of what was said, until it was time for speeches, remembrances of friends and family.

Naoko climbed to the podium and adjusted the microphone. Her eyes were red and puffy behind her glasses, but her voice was surprisingly steady as she spoke to the assembly. "Tomoyo-chan was a dear friend of mine for a long time, since elementary school. We shared a love of reading. This was one of her favorite poems, and it sort of fits. I'd like to share it with you now."

She took a deep breath and began to read.

_I'm going out to clean the pasture spring_

_I'll only stop to rake the leaves away_

_And watch the water clear I may_

_I shan't be gone long—you come too_

Eriol recognized the poem immediately. It was one he knew as well, "The Pasture," by Robert Frost. And Naoko was right—in a strange way, it did seem to fit.

_I'm going out to fetch the little calf_

_That's standing by the mother. It's too young_

_It totters when she licks it with her tongue_

_I shan't be gone long—you come too_

Naoko took a deep breath and nodded her head. "Arigatou," she choked before stepping away from the podium and returning to her seat amidst the congregation. It was only then that anyone realized that she had recited the poem from memory.

Sonomi tried to speak, but she couldn't make it, and ended sitting back down again.

It was Sakura's turn.

Without a word, she handed the motionless Kero to Syaoran and inched out of the pew, heading for the podium. When she got there, she paused and looked around, out over the sea of white. There were so many people here that she knew, and at the same time so many she didn't recognize.

"Tomoyo-chan was my best friend," Sakura began slowly. She had been trying to perfect her speech for most of the night, and even now, she wasn't quite sure what was going to come out of her mouth. "My best friend since the third grade. Looking back, I can't even count the number of times we would sit in class, whispering to each other, passing notes—in other words, all the things we weren't supposed to do." There was a soft chuckle from their classmates in spite of the occasion. They all remembered those things too. "I'm sure all of our school friends can remember the many, many times when Tomoyo-chan would chase me down with her video camera as well. And I could never say no. Looking back, I'm glad I didn't. It made her happy."

She took a deep breath to steady herself. "Tomoyo-chan was a wonderful singer as well. She had so much talent…" Sakura paused; she wasn't sure where this thought came from, but in a very strange way, it was almost comforting to her. "God probably wanted to hear beautiful music. He wanted someone to sing for Him. I'll bet He's listening to her sing right now, and He's as happy as we were when we listened to her." Tears coursed down her face. "Arigatou."

Sakura stepped away and nearly stumbled on her way back to her seat because her eyes were clouded with tears not yet shed. As she slid into her spot, an arm snaked around her shoulders, and Touya wordlessly pulled her into a one-armed hug. She let her head lean against his side, thankful for even the smallest of comforts.

The rest of the service was a blur, and the next thing Sakura knew, Syaoran and Touya (who had yet to engage in a glaring match) were gently nudging her. It was time to go to the gravesite. Sakura obeyed blindly. She was numb; it was easier to just let herself be led. She was only moderately aware that Syaoran had placed Kero back in her arms.

She stepped out of the church, and her eyes drifted skywards. To her surprise, a layer of clouds had formed in the short time they had been in the church. The sun was no longer visible; it was now gray, more dreary, and more befitting of the overall mood.

The ride to the cemetary was too short and too long at the same time. This was it. After this, they would never see her again, except for a slab of granite stuck in the ground.

She rode between Yukito and Touya, staring blankly ahead. She failed to notice that they were both watching her intently with extreme concern.

Some part of her wondered vaguely about the people who had done this. A couple of dumb teenagers on a dare, she had been told, taking the corner way too fast. They were in prison now, awaiting trial. They would see the funeral, though. They would see a video of it later. They would know their victim's name, have in engraved forever into their memories, as they saw the grief that their stupidity had caused to so many. If they had an ounce of human decency left in them, that would be more than enough of a punishment for them. Perhaps she was being a little unfair—after all, she was quite sure that they hadn't meant to run her down. But the fact remained that they had, and intentional or not, Tomoyo was still dead.

At the graveside service, she stood between Eriol and Syaoran, with Touya, Yukito, and Nakuru positioned behind them. Nakuru was now the bearer of two "stuffed animals." Sakura had handed Kero off to Eriol's Moon guardian, and the golden magical creature was perched nonchalantly on Nakuru's shoulder. Spinel still occupied her arms.

Overhead, a roll of thunder echoed across the heavens.

The service at the grave was short—a few more words were said, a few prayers were offered for Tomoyo, and finally, Sonomi stepped forward and threw a handful of dirt on top of the casket.

Following that, a shower of flowers rained down into the open grave—thrown mostly by friends. Roses, daisies, even a few plum blossoms…and cherry blossoms. Most of the flowers were cherry blossoms, falling down onto the white casket like an endless pink-white snowfall.

Sakura herself released a handful of the small flowers and watched as they danced slowly down onto Tomoyo's final resting place. A few more fell from Syaoran's hands, and Eriol's as well. And for a moment, the assembled guests and mourners were silent, unmoving. It was like a painting of a funeral.

As the mourners began to depart—Fujitaka himself led a sobbing Sonomi away—the rain finally fell, sending guests scrambling for umbrellas or the shelter of their cars. With the sudden precipitation, the area around the grave site was deserted rather quickly.

Only three remained. Three teenagers, standing beside the still-open grave. None of them moved an inch; they may very well have been statues, erected to forever keep a silent vigil over the newly filled tomb. Two young men, both stoic and seemingly emotionless, flanked the third, smaller figure—a pretty, petite girl in a white kimono.

Tears streamed down Sakura's face; they were lost in the rain that poured down around them. She barely even noticed that she was getting soaked, or that her hair was matted to her forehead.

And she didn't seem to realize that Syaoran had taken off his jacket and draped it around her, and then placed his hands on her shoulders. "Come on, Sakura. We should go."

Panic rose suddenly in Sakura's throat, and she pulled away from his comforting grasp, nearly slipping on the newly soaked grass. "No! We can't go! We can't leave her here like this!" The sobs erupted as she bordered on the hysterical. "I can't just leave her here, out here in the rain like this! No!" Suddenly, her energy just dissipated, and she broke down again. "Tomoyo-chan…"

Eriol and Syaoran watched her outburst with deceptive calm; the latter's hands were still poised where they had been when she had slipped away from him. Syaoran lowered his hands a little, and took one slow, careful step towards her. "Sakura…"

"Gomen nasai…" she hiccuped brokenly. "Gomen nasai…" But she didn't move away, and he was able to carefully slide one arm around her waist, ensuring that she would not be able escape again. She didn't even try, though. She simply let him wrap his arms around her shivering form. She was freezing, and not just from the cold rain.

"Shhh…" Syaoran whispered gently, rubbing her back with one hand. Truthfully, he wanted to do exactly what she was doing. He wanted to scream, to cry, to freak out. But he couldn't. He had to be strong now, for Sakura's sake, even though he knew he would pay for it later. But it was a price he would pay. He emptied himself of as much emotion as possible, and hugged Sakura a little tighter. "Shhh…it's okay. It'll be all right." She nodded against his shoulder. "Come on, let's go home."

Another nod.

Syaoran shot a glance over Sakura's head at Eriol, who was watching them impassively. He hadn't moved from his spot beside the grave. Chills ran down Li's spine, chills that couldn't be attributed to the chill in the air. The look on Eriol's face was the source of the shivers. Syaoran had never seen Hiiragiziwa Eriol look so…dead.

No, not dead. Dead was not a good word to use right now.

He looked pale, paler than usual. He looked empty, tired. And lost. Syaoran had never seen the reincarnation of Clow Reed looking so worn out. It was almost frightening.

Eriol's blue-black eyes met Syaoran's amber ones for only a moment, but they quickly averted, and he looked back down at the grave; his hair was just long enough to fall over his glasses, obscuring his eyes from outside view.

Syaoran led a sobbing Sakura over towards Eriol and paused about two feet away. "Are you all right?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

A mute nod was the only answer he got.

Syaoran led Sakura away, to stand under a tree until she had calmed down a little more. Eriol stayed beside the grave, staring down into the still-open hole at the top of a white casket.

His eyes drifted up to read the inscription on the stone.

_Daidouji Tomoyo_

_A beloved friend and daughter_

And then it listed the date of birth and the day of…passing.

He frowned at the inscription. It wasn't Tomoyo at all. The hard, cold characters carved into the hard, uncaring stone were nothing like the Tomoyo he knew. They were so harsh, so impersonal…he hated them for a moment. He hated everyone and everything. But the hatred drained from his body almost as soon as it had entered it.

Tears rolled down his face again; they blended with rain. He could taste it. He never cried enough to taste it. Mixed with the rain, it was a salty-sweet taste on his tongue.

A short distance away, a chocolate-haired girl watched, holding what looked like a small gray-black plush toy in her hands; a second stuffed animal, this one with golden fur, was perched on her shoulder. But if a person looked closely, they would see that the "plush toys" were moving. They watched without speaking, helplessly. All three were grieving themselves, and watching over those whose grieving was more severe.

Sakura sobbed under a tree, Syaoran comforted her, finally crying himself, Eriol wept without shame beside the grave, and three silent figures kept vigil. Six in all—each feeling completely alone in that moment, yet connected by a common thread of loss.

And the rain continued to fall.

AN: *whew* It's done! Hope that was worth waiting for. *gulp* I've already got the next chapter started, so it'll hopefully be up sooner than this one was. Gomen nasai once again. I just feel really bad when I don't update for more than a couple of days. Next chapter—Tomoyo and Maya!!!! YAY!!!!

Oh yeah, I might not be updating for a while. Ya see, my birthday is in ten days, and I'm thinking I'm going to do a massive sweeping update on my b'day if I can get everything written in time. But the thing is that my fall break is this weekend. Four days with absolutely nothing to do. I figure I can just kick back and do a little writing, mayhaps, and post a monster update on my eighteenth b'day. Yes, dear friends, my eighteenth birthday. I'M ALMOST LEGAL, BABY!!!!! WOO-HOO!!!!

PS. Thank you to Negi Ramen for telling me about how if a driver kills an innocent bystander in Japan, they have to watch a video of the victim's funeral. Praise, I say!


	9. Wings

**AN: **This is a Tomoyo chapter, featuring Tomoyo and Maya, up on top of the clouds, happy happy joy joy. There's a couple really important things in this chapter. Promise. Is this the face of someone who would lie to you? *wearing an Eriol mask* I didn't think so *grinz* I don't own CCS, just my plotline and my OC.

**Wings**

Sakura cried. Li cried. Even Hiiragiziwa cried.

Everyone was crying for her.

And Tomoyo hated it.

She was standing alone at the moment on the cloud, the same perch she had occupied since her arrival. The cloud silk was soft under her bare feet, softer than a fleece blanket. She had long since dispersed with her shoes; they simply weren't necessary here. And besides, it was so much nicer to just walk around barefoot, feeling the clouds under her toes. It was glorious.

But she didn't really pay much attention to that right now. Her attention was wholeheartedly focused on the sight below her. Her mother and her closest friends crying over her as the cold, unforgiving rain poured down on them.

Tomoyo was numb. She didn't feel anything, and she was only vaguely aware of her surroundings anymore. Why was she watching this? Why was she subjecting herself to this?

Suddenly, she was aware of something on her face. Something warm and damp. And her eyes were damp, and they were burning like hell.

_What the—_ she touched her cheek, and despite the fact that she already knew what was happening, she was still startled when her fingers came away damp. She stared at it in wonder and horror.

So engrossed was she in her study of her tears on her fingertip that she didn't notice that she had company. A watcher, still and silent, was standing a short distance away.

Maya tucked her hands into the wide sleeves of her fire colored kimono and followed Tomoyo's movements with her eyes. The child was upset, drastically upset. The angel almost smiled to herself at the thought. Tomoyo wasn't really a child—but then again, she wasn't quite an adult yet. And the dark haired beauty seemed far too heartbroken for a child. She truly was miserable here, torn away from her friends, her family, her home, and everything she had ever really known.

"Tomoyo?" Maya approached cautiously, trying her best not to startle the girl.

It didn't work too well. Tomoyo jumped as though someone had set off a firecracker under her, and whirled to face the angel; one hand instantly flew to her eyes, and she made a futile attempt to rub away her tears with the back of her hand. "Oh…Maya, hello. I was just…I mean, I was only—I didn't—"

But Maya had joined her at the cloud edge, and was now looking down at the scene below. It was a sight that would have broken far harder hearts than Maya's.

"Your friends again?" the angel said softly.

"Hai," Tomoyo said miserably. "Look at them! They're like this because of me!"

"Or rather, because of what happened to you," Maya pointed out gently. "Or perhaps it's because of the fact that they won't ever get to see you again." She paused, then murmured, "in person."

Tomoyo looked at her sharply. "Nani?"

Maya shook her head. "Iie. Later. But maybe you should leave your friends for the moment. All it's doing is upsetting you. Give it a rest, and try not to think about it for a while. It might help."

"I can't just forget them," the dark-haired teenager pointed out sadly, wiping a few more tears from her eyes. "I'll never be able to forget them and what I put them through."

"You didn't put them through anything. And I didn't ask you to forget them," the angel soothed. "I just said that it would probably do you some good to not watch for a while. Walk around, look around the rest of the Here-Above, maybe meet a few of the others."

Tomoyo waivered for a moment, then accepted, though almost grudgingly. Maya decided it might be wise to accompany her young friend on a tour of what she tended to refer to as the Here-Above.

And it became quite evident that Maya had been speaking nothing but the truth. The place was enormous, and seemed to have everything. They wandered past a large white building with pillars holding up the front—Maya dictated that it was a library, with literature from every author and era. An enormous brownstone—a cinema. Even a gargatuan amusement park, and a playground that seemed to go on for miles and miles.

"Where did all of this come from?" Tomoyo asked, staring at what looked like an enormous replica of King Penguin, one with children sliding happily down it.

"Each person here has a different concept of what makes Heaven," Maya explained. "For example, these children need a place to play. It's what they want. So there's a playground unlike any other for the children here. Likewise, there are some who enjoy reading in the library, watching movies—you name it, it's probably here." At Tomoyo's stunned look, the angel laughed lightly; it sounded like silver bells. "This is Heaven, Tomoyo. A place of happiness."

"I'm not very happy."

"Yet. You'll find your happiness here soon, I'm sure."

"You said you were ten when you came here, right?"

"Hai."

"How is it that they are children, and you're…well, not?"

"I chose this. And there's nothing that says I can't act like a child," the angel's star-sprinkled eyes closed as she laughed again. "I've been known to build a mean sand castle."

Tomoyo was surprised to hear herself laugh slightly in response. It felt strange to laugh again.

They walked for a while longer in silence, and Tomoyo found herself actually beginning to relax as she took in her surroundings. This really was a wonderful place, and it really did have everything. She even stopped to gape at a waterfall along the way. At the bottom of the falls, she could see several beings—for she refused to call these etheral creatures _people, as the word failed to do them justice—swimming and splashing in the sparkling waters._

But before she knew it, they were nearly back to her perch, as she liked to think of it. Her spot on the clouds, where she could sit and watch her friends and their activities.

Tomoyo dropped back to where she had been sitting before and stared silently at the Here-Below for a long moment before speaking. "Maya," Tomoyo began hesitantly. "There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Hai?"

"Well…why do you have that outfit and wings, and I don't?" Tomoyo looked down at herself dubiously. She was still in the denim skirt and dark blue top she had been wearing on _that_ day; her sandals had been easily kicked off to the side, where they lay all but forgotten. And she sure as heck didn't have anything large, white, and feathery sprouting from her back. It suddenly sounded like a very stupid question, but she was curious.

Maya glanced down at her kimono—bright red, with a beautiful floral design running up and down one side—and then flapped her wings experimentally, as though pondering the question before giving an answer; a shower of gold dust fell from the feathers. "To be truthful, Tomoyo, it's because there is still something you have to do before you can get your wings."

"What do you mean?" Tomoyo asked in confusion. All her life, she had always heard the little poem, _Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings._ Apparently, that wasn't quite true. Actually, she wasn't even sure if she qualified to be an angel, even. There was still so much she didn't have answers for.

"You have to do something for someone before you can earn your wings," Maya explained. "You have to help someone in the Here-Below." She turned an unreadable look on her friend. "You are an angel, Tomoyo, but it's not quite official until you earn your wings."

"Who do I help? What can I do?" Tomoyo half-whined. "They can't even see or hear me! I can't even go down there?" She paused. "Can I?"

"Hai, you can. And when you are down there, you can be visible or invisible to whomever you choose. But I did not want to tell you that at first," Maya smiled. "It would have been much harder on both you and your friends if you were to immediately start appearing as a ghost, ne?"

Tomoyo nodded her understanding. If she had appeared as a spirit, Sakura probably would have keeled over from a heart attack on sight, and for all she knew, Li and Eriol might have gone ballistic and tried to hit her with magic or some such thing. "But who do I help? What can I possibly do for someone down there?"

"I know you will figure it out, dearheart," the starry-eyed angel smiled. Tomoyo was still always startled when she glanced into the woman's eyes. It was so hard to fathom that the starry night sky could possibly be written in someone eyes, as they were in Maya's.

Tomoyo pondered this a moment longer. She had to help someone if she wanted to get her wings…who could she possibly help, and what could she possibly do to help them? If she appeared to her friends, for all she knew, it could make things worse.

Maya studied the girl's face for a moment. Then she glanced back down to the Here-Below. "Do not worry. You will figure out a way. You will earn your wings. I have faith in you."

AN: Whew…been typing so much my fingers hurt as of late. I have my own opinions of what Heaven is, and I did incorporate parts of my ideas about it into this chapter. Candyland might not update for a little while after this. She's a little worn out from working on a huge update and from too much birthday cake.


	10. Movies

**AN: ***looks at date of last update* EEP! Has it really been this long? Okay, I know it's really not a terribly long time, especially when compared to some, but for me, it is! I feel bad when I don't update for a while. Plus, I really like this story. I just haven't had a ton of writing time lately, nor have I been in the mood to write. *sigh* Sometimes I wish I didn't have to sleep, ya know?

Anyway, I'm back, and I'm updating now. Yay rah. I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura, the geniuses at CLAMP do, blah blah blah, I'm pathetic, etc. Yeah.

**Movies**

"Arigatou, Daidouji-san," Sakura said with only a hint of fatigue lacing her voice. To the rest of the world, it appeared as though the young Card Mistress was holding up quite well under the weight of her best friend's death. But those closest to her knew that it was all a façade, a mask to ward off sympathies that she just didn't have the strength to respond to.

Sonomi waved her three guests into the room with a shake of the head. "It's no trouble. I understand completely." Tomoyo's mother was having the worst trouble bearing the tragedy—not surprising, considering that it was her only daughter that had died. But she just wasn't coping, as was evident from the way she had taken one look at Sakura and burst into tears. "Stay as long as you like."

With that, she shut the door, leaving Sakura, Syaoran, and Eriol alone in Tomoyo's room.

Sakura looked around forlornly. Her eyes lighted on the green couch and chair set that flanked a hardwood coffee table. How many times had they sat on that very furniture, pondering the workings of the heart, magic, and algebra equations, though not necessarily in that order? How many hours had they huddled together on that couch, gossiping, sharing secrets, and simply talking about anything and everything? For that matter, how much time had they all spent together in this very room? Too many hours to count, that was for sure.

As if reading her thoughts, Syaoran sighed. "We spent a lot of time here."

Eriol didn't say anything. He really hadn't said much since the accident. But that was the way he was. He had never been one to let much out. Sakura had spokenly secretly with Nakuru, and she had confirmed that he had almost completely withdrawn, not letting anything in or out. The younger of the two Moon Guardians had been reluctant to go behind her creator's back, but she had finally yielded before Sakura's pleads.

"Well, should we do what we came here to do?" Sakura suggested with a little too much energy to be truly convincing. She walked back towards the curtain that led to a darkened room; with one hand, she brushed the curtain aside and walked in, disappearing behind the hanging fabric.

Syaoran followed her immediately, and Eriol trudged behind them.

By the time they had stepped into the dark room, Sakura had already made a selection and was standing at the far end of the room, poised to begin what they had come there to do in the first place.

"Shall we?" she asked with a forced smile. Her suggestion was met with mute nods as the two young men selected seats in the small plentitude of chairs that were lined up in the center of the room. At their agreement, she popped the video into the VCR and hit play.

Snow appeared on the screen as Sakura took a seat between Syaoran and Eriol. Then the screen went dark for a moment, and finally, an image appeared.

Syaoran tilted his head to the side. "Where on Earth did she get that?"

"She spotted me," Sakura replied with a sigh. "This was right after my first capture. I'd just caught FLY, and I was testing it out."

The picture moving on the screen was Sakura in her pajamas, on her original Wand, flying past the full moon. Kero was hovering beside her. It was all in all a very pretty picture.

"She just looked out the window and caught you like that?" Eriol asked softly, marking the first time he had spoken since they had gotten here.

"Unfortunately," Sakura sighed. "So much for secrecy, I guess. But a couple nights later was my second capture, and Tomoyo-chan was there with the very first battle costume. She got that on tape, too. I think it's actually on this tape.

Sure enough, not five seconds after she had finished saying that, the image of Sakura chasing the SHADOW flared onto the screen. Sakura shook her head. Had she really been that young?

"Sakura-san," Eriol began slowly as they watched, "why did you let her videotape you like this? I mean, I know at some point it had to get annoying. But you never told her to just stop it. Why?"

"Because it made her so happy," Sakura answered after a long pause. "She just loved taping me, for whatever reason. It always made her smile and do that 'kawaii' thing she always did. And the way I saw it, if that was what it took to keep Tomoyo-chan happy, then it really wasn't a sacrifice at all. And yes, sometimes I really didn't want a camera in my face. Sometimes I thought it was too dangerous for her to be following us around. But like I said, it made her happy. And a smile suited her the best."

They fell silent, not really sure what else to say. Slowly, their attention refocused on the screen and the pictures that continued to move across it. They didn't move much, save for when Sakura got up to change tapes. They were all well organized, and carefully labeled, so it wasn't difficult to find the ones they most wanted to watch.

Hours flew by as they sat and watched literally dozens of videos. Most featured Sakura, a good number featured Syaoran, and a few of the more recent ones starred Eriol. There were even a couple of music videos, made from older clips set to music.

Finally, Sakura ejected the tape and pressed the power button on the VCR. The screen went blank, and the small red light on the video player dimmed to nothing.

"I'd forgotten some of these," she said sadly, sliding the tape they had just finished watching into its dust cover and replacing it where she had found it on a shelf. "But it was nice to see these again."

Eriol stood up. "I must say, I'm a little offended. Syaoran, you never told me you were such a good actor. I mean, to pull off such a convincing Sleeping Beauty and all…" He didn't really feel like making a joke at his descendant's expense, but the opportunity was too good to just pass up. Besides, maybe, just maybe, ticking Syaoran off would cheer him up even a little.

The reaction was almost the one he had anticipated: his darling descendant went completely red in the face, clenched both his hands into fists, and began stuttering angrily as they followed Sakura out of the video viewing room.

Eriol sighed as Syaoran freaked out.

No.

It wasn't helping.

Not at all.

AN: Ugh…short, not the best, but ya can't have Tomoyo without the movies and the camera and all that fun stuff. Sorry if this was a disappointment, and it probably was *sweatdrop*

Next chapter is another Sakura centered chappie. Nice and angsty. It'll be longer than this one was. Hopefully. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get it posted, though. I'm kinda swamped beneath the massive weight of this mountain called schoolwork. Three papers, two presentations, and a wedding to go to on Saturday. Don't you sometimes wish you didn't have to sleep?

Thanks for reading, double thanks for reviewing, and ja ne!


	11. Strength

**AN: ***whimpers and hides from angry reviewers* I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'M FREAKIN' SORRY!!!! I know the last chapter was short! I think I even said in my author's notes, "This chapter is short." I just feel bad when I don't update for long periods of time, it had been a month, and I couldn't remember the rest of the stuff I wanted to put in the chapter, so…yeah. That's the result. Forgive me?

*Candy-chan is chased down by rabid warthogs* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!

*pant pant* Here! New chapter, longer chapter! It's nice and angsty, just the way I like 'em!! Take it and be gone! I don't own CCS, CLAMP does—get off me, damn you!!!

**Chapter Eleven—Strength**

Sakura was sitting backwards on her desk chair. Her arms were resting on the back of the chair, and her chin was pillowed on her arms. She was staring intently, if sadly, at the small item on her desk.

But nothing happened. The item just sat there.

"You know, you're not going to make anything happen by just staring at it," Kero said softly from the bed behind her. He hated to say anything, but she had been sitting like that for nearly an hour. And in all that time she had barely moved. It was more than unnerving.

Sakura closed her eyes and sat up straight. One hand reached out and picked up the small pink cell phone Tomoyo had given her. So long ago.

"Sakura, it's not going to ring," Kero told her gently. "Not unless the gaki calls."

He got no answer to that, not even to Syaoran's nickname.

To say that Kero was worried would be the understatement of the millenium. He was light years beyond the point of simply being worried. Though he didn't let her see it much, he was more to the point of frantic over his Mistress' mental, emotional, and physical well being, and he knew he wasn't the only one. But Sakura hadn't even begun to recover from the trauma over her best friend's death. If anything, she was sinking further and further into the bleak void she had created around herself.

Suddenly, she jumped to her feet and grabbed a parka from where she had carelessly tossed it onto her bed earlier and pulled it on. "I gotta get out of here for a while, Kero-chan. I'm going crazy."

"Sakura—"

"I'll be back soon," she cut him off and dashed out of her bedroom; the door closed behind her with a soft click, and footsteps pounded down the hallway.

She ran past the kitchen.

"Sakura—" Touya began, but she cut him off as well.

"I'm going for a walk," she called to her brother, then stepped out and pulled the door closed behind her without waiting to hear the answer. Then she darted down the driveway and was gone.

In the kitchen, Touya frowned. "Sakura…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was chilly, unnaturally chilly for this time of year, but that was just how things had been for Sakura since the accident. There weren't colors anymore, only blotches of black and white that ran together into blurry shades of gray. And everything was cold.

It didn't help any that it was beginning to rain. Again.

Was it just her imagination, or had it been raining a lot as of late?

Without really realizing it, she began to quicken her pace a little. There really was no reason, but she suddenly felt compelled to walk faster, even though she didn't have a destination in mind.

She came to a corner, a place where she would have to cross the street. She slowed then, and suddenly, she was very, very afraid.

_Onegai, Tomoyo-chan, _Sakura prayed. _Get me across the street._

The pavement seemed to stretch out forever beneath her feet, but somehow, by some miracle, she stumbled up onto the opposite curb, and began to run again. She ran until she came to the next corner, and then she stopped and stared at the other side of the street, panting.

_Tomoyo-chan, please…get me over there safely… _she made the same silent plea for her best friend's protection before stepping off the curb.

Every curb she came to, it was the same thing: a silent, desperate entreaty made to powers that may or may not be listening. But finally, she made it into the park. She crossed the white bridge. How many times had she and Tomoyo crossed that bridge?

Her foot came down on some wet leaves. She slipped and fell, ending up sprawled face down on the wet, cold pavement. It scratched her face, but she was too numb to feel any more pain. She didn't bother getting up; she didn't have the strength anymore. It was like her energy had simply drained from her body, flooding away like water through a collander, leaving her with nothing.

The rain poured down, pounding against her, like so many punishing whips. Somehow, that stung more than her fall.

Kinomoto Sakura was not a weak person. A weak person could never have captured and sealed the Cards, nor could a weak person have changed the Cards. A weak person would not be able to deal with magic on a daily basis. Sakura was strong. It was something she had always known. Everyone had always told her how strong she was, to be so eternally happy, no matter what.

So what in the world was she doing here, like this? Curled up on the sidewalk in the middle of weather that the RAIN Card would have been hard pressed to imitate? Had she really come to this?

And was she really so strong?

Between the still-crushing pain of her best friend's death and her current state of self hatred, she broke. For what felt like the millionth time since the accident, Sakura broke, and she wept. She wept for herself, for Tomoyo, for Syaoran, for Eriol. She cried for a world that didn't seem to notice her pain.

_It should have been me._

The thought sprang unbidden into her mind. It had been a tiny little notion, a small worm slowly burrowing into the very back of her mind: painful, but fairly ignorable. Yet now it took over her entire mind, allowing no room for other thought.

_It should have been me._

Everyone had been so heartbroken over losing Tomoyo. Even Yamazaki hadn't been his normal self. He hadn't told a single lie since the accident. And he didn't smile much anymore. The life had simply been sapped from everyone and everything.

_It should have been me._

Maybe, just maybe, it would have been different if it had been her thrown through the air by a speeding vehicle. Perhaps if she had died, everyone wouldn't have been so sad. Tomoyo still would have been alive, designing her outfits and videotaping anything and everything that caught her fancy.

_It should have been me._

It wasn't supposed to be Tomoyo being run down like that. It was supposed to be her. Sakura. Then things wouldn't be this way. It had all been one enormous, terrible, _fatal_ mistake.

_It should have been me._

She was only vaguely aware that the rain was no longer beating her with that punishing force. But it was still raining. She could hear the rain around her, yet it did not touch her. Why?

One watery emerald eye opened slowly.

There was an umbrella being held over her, to shield her from the rain. She peered up at the person holding the umbrella, and her eyes fell closed again. "Leave me alone…"

He ignored her, and reached down with his free hand to take her arm, pulling her to her feet with a certain amount of force. She remained standing when he let go of her, and he carefully brushed the wet strands of hair back from her face. "Are you all right?"

She didn't reply, not even with a shake of the head or a facial expression.

He persisted. "Daijoubu?"

"No," she hissed, almost angrily; her voice cracked harshly on the single syllable.

"Sa—"

"It should have been me!" she screamed, suddenly furiously, cutting him off as she began pounding against his chest with white knuckled fists.

She could hear the shock in his voice. "Nani?"

"It should have been me!" she repeated, still pummeling him.

He suddenly seemed to realize that she was beating him, though, not hard, and he grabbed her wrists, holding her in a firm grip without hurting her.

"Stop it!" he ordered. He sounded more frightened than angry.

"It should have been me!" she heard him, but she didn't. She struggled against him without really even realizing she was doing so. She wasn't aware of anything anymore.

"Sakura, stop it!"

"No!" Sakura screamed. She didn't know why, but at that moment she felt the need to run. She needed to put as much distance as she could between herself and him. And she did; she physically wrenched her hands free of his grasp, then turned and fled as fast as her feet would take her.

She didn't even pay attention to where she going anymore.

She slowed a little. Her lungs were burning, craving air that didn't want to cooperate. Every raindrop that touched her skin burned like molten lava, so that her entire body felt like it was on fire.

A tree seemingly appeared magically in front of her, and she all but ran into it. She slumped against it, letting it support almost her full weight. She barely had enough left in her to keep standing.

A hand grabbed her elbow and forced her to turn around, pressing her back against the thin trunk of the tree she had been leaning on. Two hands grabbed her shoulders in an unforgiving grip; they were like branding irons, burning right through her shirt and thin jacket.

"Sakura!"

She shook her head frantically, unable to see; the tears were liquid fire against her eyes, blinding her. She was vaguely aware that she was speaking, but she didn't know what kind of words were spilling out of her mouth.

"Sakura!"

He shook her shoulders frantically. "Sakura!"

"Onii-chan, make it stop!" she suddenly threw her arms around his waist and sobbed into his already soaked shirt. He looked surprised at her sudden one-eighty, but simply put his arms around her.

"Shh…" Touya rocked his little sister back and forth gently, stroking her hair soothingly and whispering to her. He had always done this when she was little: holding her when she was scared or upset, petting her hair, talking softly to her, even though he doubted she heard him.

This time, though, he didn't know if there was anything he really could do to comfort her.

"Sakura, listen to me," he said; his voice was soft but fierce. "Don't you ever say something like that again, do you understand me?" He got a hiccup and a nod in response. "Tomoyo's gone. Nothing's going to change that. How would things be any better if it was you?"

She didn't reply.

He continued. "Do you know what it would've done to me if that had been you? Or otou-san?"

Still no answer.

"And if you think everyone would be happier if you were gone, think again," he pressed on. "It would be the same thing that's happening now, except that it would probably be Tomoyo here, crying. Sakura, it wouldn't change anything. Please, don't say things like anymore. Please."

She nodded, but didn't look up from where her face was buried in his damp shirt. "Gomen nasai…gomen nasai, onii-chan…"

He held her in silence for a moment, then squeezed her a little more tightly. "Should we go home before we catch pneumonia?"

She nodded again, and leaning heavily against her older brother, she allowed him to lead her towards home. She kept one arm looped around his waist for support and protection, though she didn't quite know what she need protection from. He kept one arm wrapped tightly about her shoulders, keeping her close to him, playing the part of the overprotective older brother.

Older brother? To Sakura, at that moment, he seemed more like a guardian angel.

But even with Touya at her side to keep her safe, she still felt a shiver run down her spine when they had to cross the street. It was a chill that had absolutely nothing to with the rain.

AN: Whew. Settle down, everyone. S'okay, s'okay. I'm having a really, really bad time right now…it's in my bio, if you want to know why I'm kind of depressed right now. I won't bore you with the details if you don't want to read it. But I'm kind of upset right now…*sigh* So no major author's notes today. Just a Fic Pick. I haven't done many of these lately. Fic Picks are my reading recommendations. Enjoy.

**Candyland Fic Pick**

**Title: **There Will Be Love There

**Author: **unmei1

**Genre:** Tragedy/Romance

**ID No: **1610743

**Summary:** An Eriol and Tomoyo story. This is a perfect example of very short, but very, very sweet. It's sad and sappy, and I promise you, any ExT fan will not be at all disappointed. Will leave you with a sad but fuzzy feeling. If you cry easily, you might want to have tissues on hand.


	12. Guardians

**AN: ***dodges flying fruit* …all right, All Right, ALL RIGHT!!!! Good grief, people, don't kill the author!! Don't flame the author!! In fact, don't touch the author!! I bruise easily ^_^

Many, many, many, MANY of my darling reviewers demanded to know where Yue was. So here ya go. I'm jumping POVs in this fic, and it's the Guardians' turn. So all of you who demanded to know where the [insert the various swear words that appeared in the reviews here] Yue was, here he is, along with our other favorite Guardians! Enjoy!

sonanmulating, your review made me laugh. *flailflailflail* Heeheeheee. Wuvs ^_^

I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura. Blah, blah, double blah…

**Chapter Twelve—Guardians**

It was gray, but not raining. Small beams of sunlight managed to work their way through the thick coating of clouds, casting tiny bright spots on the ground, but that was all. It seemed like the weather had been exceptionally gray as of late. It was depressing.

And in the midst of this utter grayness, someone knocked on the front door of the Kinomoto house. Since no one else was home, Sakura walked down the stairs from her room and answered the door.

"Konnichiwa, Sakura-chan," Yukito said as cheerfully as he dared. She was still a mess—anyone could see that. Especially someone who had known her as long as he had.

"Konnichiwa," she murmured back, stepping aside so he could come inside. "Onii-chan's not here right now, but he'll be back soon. You can wait, if you want."

Yukito nodded slowly. He hesitated for a second, then started to speak again. "Sakura-chan—"

But she was already halfway up the stairs, and she didn't stop or turn around. He knew she heard him. She was too close to not hear him. But she ignored him—something she never, ever did.

"Things aren't getting any better," a small voice said from his left.

He turned. "Kero-chan."

The small plushie-like Guardian fluttered up to Yukito's eye level. "I need to talk to Yue."

A nod. "I understand. I'll change."

Yukito's eyes fell closed; two snowy white wings spread from behind him and closed around him; the magic circle of Clow Reed flared on the ground around him. A silver-white light eminated around the cocoon of feathers, and a moment later, the wings reopened, revealing not Tsukishiro Yukito, but a somber pillar of silver: Yue, the Moon Guardian.

Kero followed suit. He was enveloped in golden feathers, and transformed into the full form of Kerberos, the Guardian Beast of the Seal. "She's been like that since Tomoyo died," he said softly.

"I know," Yue replied; he seemed to be even more somber than usual. "Yukito's been keeping an eye on her. He's worried." He paused, before saying, a little more quietly, "And so am I."

Kerberos' golden eyes widened a tiny bit at this admission from his usually detached elder sibling. Yue rarely admitted concern over much of anything, no matter how important it may be.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yue twisted the knob and carefully pushed the door opened; it moved soundlessly on its hinges. He peeked in through the crack between the door and the wall.

From that vantage point he could see his young Mistress sprawled out on her back on top of her bed. She hadn't even bothered to crawl under the covers, and she was still wearing her jeans and pink shirt. Her eyes were closed, and her breathing was deep and even, if a bit ragged. All the signs said that she had fallen asleep. And the slight hiccuping quality of her breathing was probably a result of crying again.

"She's been sleeping a lot," Kerberos said behind him. "And when she's not sleeping, she's crying, or just walking around in a daze. Not even the Li kid can pull her out of this." A pause. "Actually, he's not doing much better." Yue nodded slowly, not taking his eyes from Sakura.

It had been years since the Final Judgment, when he had proclaimed this girl's ten year old self as the new Master of the Clow, and almost as long since they had discovered the reincarnation of Clow Reed. He had watched her through the eyes of his false form, watching her grow up and change, becoming more powerful and more confident. And over time, his acceptance of her had become more than just a matter of her defeating him in the Final Judgment. He had actually grown to love his new Mistress.

"Nothing's working," the Sun Guardian still continued his commentary, while Yue continued to study Sakura's pale, sleeping face. "She hasn't smiled in ages. And for Sakura, that's a big deal." He stopped then, and looked up at his older brother. "Do you have any ideas?"

Yue pulled back and for the first time since they had been standing outside Sakura's bedroom door, he looked down at his feline counterpart. "I'd say give it time, but it sounds like you've already done that. So I really don't know." His gaze shifted back towards the door. "The human heart is overly complex. There's no way to read it."

For the second time, Kerberos looked startled. First the admission of concern for the well-being of their Mistress, and then such deep insights into the multiple layers of the human psyche. But he shook it off and simply said, "Wait a little longer, than?"

"That's all we can really do," Yue sighed. He knew it was the truth. There really wasn't much they could do. But it didn't ease the feeling of helplessness one iota.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The door cracked open a tiny bit, and two pairs of eyes peered in: one set of eyes was brown-red, and the other was green and more cat-like. They were both fixated on the figure in the room; said figure was seated in a large red chair beside a fireplace. There was a book in the person's lap, open, but the person's eyes were focused straight ahead, at some item visible only to that person's eyes.

"He hasn't moved in almost twenty minutes," Nakuru said softly, not moving her eyes away from her creator, master, and friend. "And he's still not eating like he should."

"He won't let anything go," Spinel added. "He's heartbroken."

Suddenly, Nakuru moved away from the door, and gestured for her feline counterpart to follow. The small Guardian shot one last look at the figure in the library before obliging. He followed her into another room. She shut the door behind him.

Without a word, Nakuru's eyes fell closed. Magic swirled around her, and black ribbons engulfed her, like a cocoon. After a few seconds, the ribbons vanished, and in the place of the brown-haired, brown-eyed young woman was the cherry-haired, ruby-eyed Moon Guardian.

Spinel followed suit, transforming from a small black plushie-like creature into a sleek black panther with blue butterfly wings sprouting from his back.

"I don't know what to do with him anymore," Ruby Moon sighed, running one gloved hand through her long pink hair. "Nothing I say or do gets through to him, and if I try to talk to him or push him a little bit, he gets angry. I mean, furious. Like he's on the very verge of losing his temper." She sighed unhappily and leaned against the wall. "He's never gotten that angry with me before."

Normally, Spinel would have leapt on that and make a wisecrack, certain to enrage his overly energetic counterpart, but considering the circumstances, no insult even made it through his mind. Instead, he nodded. "He doesn't pay attention anymore. I've been watching him almost constantly, and he didn't even notice I'm there. But his nerves are shot. He's not letting himself grieve, and it's just eating him up. He's bleeding inside, and if something isn't done, it's quite possible that he could just bleed to death."

Ruby nodded grimly; her eyes were bright with tears. That in itself was proof of how bad she felt the situation really was. Ruby Moon or Akizuki Nakuru, it didn't matter which form she was in. She never cried. Yet one solitary tear made its way down her face, leaving a damp trail in its wake.

"I can't just force-feed him," she said softly. Her voice was surprisingly steady for someone as close to tears as she was. "And he barely says two words to me anymore."

"He wakes up at night," Spinel said softly. "I watch. He says her name in his sleep, and then wakes up in a panick. If I make an educated guess, I'd say he's reliving the day Tomoyo-san died. He saw the accident, and he sat there and watched her die."

Ruby tapped thoughtfully at her chin with one finger. The tears still welled in her eyes, but no more had yet managed to escape. "He had feelings for Tomoyo-chan. That doesn't help."

"So grieving, broken-hearted, and locking every damn thing up inside," Spinel half yelled. "What are we supposed to do if he won't let us help?"

His counterpart didn't answer. She lost her self control, and started to cry. And the conversation pretty much ended there. After all, how could one heal a broken heart?

AN: *ducks* Please don't hurt me!!! Yue will make another appearance in a later chapter, if I've got this planned out right. This story is going to be maybe around twenty-ish chapters long. I'm not sure exactly how much longer ^_^;;

I called Ruby Moon/Nakuru a 'she' just because. I know the gender pronouns are fairly interchangable for this particular characters. Anyway, this was kind of short, but that's okay…I hope…*gulp* *prayers readers won't hurt her* Thanks for reading, thanks for reviewing, etc. Ciao!


	13. Song

**AN: **Lookee, a new chapter!! I don't think this story will be too much longer. Not for any real reason or anything, it's just probably drawing near the end. Some things just have to end. Sorry ^_^ I don't own CCS.

****

**Song**

Tomoyo was being far too quiet.

That was Maya's opinion, anyway. For someone who was going through everything Tomoyo was going through, she was being almost frighteningly quiet about it. She had barely said two words since the sunrise had risen over Earth that morning.

To be a resident of Heaven, the Here-Above, meant being able to hear the sunrise. It was a sound beyond any and all possible descriptions of words. It was a song that no composer could have ever put down on paper, for it was simply too beautiful for mortal ears.

This morning, Tomoyo hadn't reacted. She hadn't even blinked at the Song of the Sunrise. This in itself was a sign that something was quite amiss. No one could hear that song and not react, unless something was drastically, drastically wrong. And Maya had a very strong suspicion that something was very, very unright, and she had a slight idea as to what that something was.

"Do you want to talk about it?" the angel hazarded an attempt at communication.

She had figured out very early on that this young beauty would pose a challenge. Tomoyo just wasn't the type of person who necessarily wore her heart on her sleeve, and even after all this time, she still seemed genuinely miserable with her fate. She still hadn't made peace with what had happened, and a part of her still appeared to greatly resent the fact that she had been so callously ripped away from the safe haven of love and friendship that had made her Earth life so precious to her.

But to her surprise, Tomoyo answered, "I hate this. I can't do anything."

"You can help them," Maya pointed out carefully.

"And earn my wings. Become an angel," Tomoyo said, a mere hint of bitterness touching her voice. She looked up at Maya with eyes that were almost angry. "I still hate this."

There was a brief silence, as Maya really didn't know what to say.

Suddenly, Tomoyo shattered the silence with her next words. "I want to go down there."

Maya blinked, a little taken aback by the request. "Nani?"

"You said I can go down there, and help them," Tomoyo persisted. "I want to go back to Earth, and see what I can do to help my friends." Her eyes drifted back towards the Here-Below. "They're not moving on. I don't believe that there's such a thing as closure, because you never really stop hurting. But there is such a thing as coming to terms with things that happen. They need to accept. And I want to see if I can help them do that."

The angel stared at the girl for a long, silent moment, then smiled and nodded. "Hai."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Li Syaoran had been trained from his earliest years not to let his emotions take control. Discipline was the key, and he had mastered it long, long ago.

It was that discipline, and only that discipline, that kept him from shattering on the spot.

He held everything in. He had shed precious few tears over the death of one of his closest friends, opting only to let anything out when he was alone. Only Wei had seen him break down, and even though, only the one time, right after the accident. He hadn't even wept at the funeral.

There were two reasons for his behavior. One was the teachings of his past. It was a simple rule of the Li Clan—men didn't cry.

The other, more important reason, was Sakura. He held on for her sake. She needed him.

But it was hard. He had never had this much trouble keeping things locked away before. Which was why he had opted to come to school a little early and just sit in the classroom, alone. Sometimes it felt like only here and only now was he really able to be alone with his tangled jumble of thoughts. Most of the students would probably start milling into the room in another twenty minutes or so, leaving him still plenty of time to just sort through things.

It was because of this that he was actually fairly irritated when the door to the classroom slid open.

"Ohayou," Syaoran said automatically as Eriol entered.

"Ohayou," Hiiragizawa said softly. He dropped his bag beside his chair before putting his elbows on top of his desk, putting his chin in his hands, and staring off, blankly, into space.

"You could at least make an effort," Syaoran pointed out after watching Eriol for a while.

"Doesn't matter," Eriol muttered.

"The rest of us miss her too, you know," Syaoran said, feeling anger begin to rise in the back of his throat. "You're not the only one who hurts."

"Leave me alone, Syaoran," Eriol said wearily, without any hint of his usual mild arrogance. He slumped against the back of his chair, posture going completely limp, and put his face in his hands. "You don't know what I'm going through."

Above him, Li Syaoran finally lost his temper. He'd been holding a lot in for a long time, all for Sakura's sake, and now that he had a victim, it was all going to come spilling out at once.

"You think you've got it so much worse than the rest of us?!?" Syaoran shouted; his hands were clenched into tight fists at his sides. At this rate, it wasn't going to take a whole lot more to send him completely over the edge, to make him do something he knew he would regret.

Eriol shook his head.

"I knew her a hell of a lot longer than you did, and Sakura's known her for years longer than either of us! And what about Tomoyo's mother?!?" he barely realized that he had referred to Daidouji by her first name, and he didn't have a whole lot of time to really contemplate it. "Well, I hate to break it to you, but there are people out there who are getting hit by this a lot harder than either of us!!"

Eriol still didn't look up, and somehow, that made Syaoran snap.

He lunged forward, grabbed the front of Eriol's uniform, and roughly hauled the latter to his feet, not caring if anyone saw him. One fist was already pulled back and ready to launch. "You—"

He stopped. Was that…

Yes.

Hiiragiziwa was crying. Tears ran from his hollow eyes down his face, leaving tiny wet dots where they fell onto his shirt. He simply stared at Li with eyes that said quite bluntly, 'I don't care.'

And suddenly, Syaoran just couldn't make his fist fly. But he couldn't let go of Eriol's shirt, either. He was just frozen, like a photograph, capturing that one moment in time.

Likewise, Eriol remained completely motionless, still caught in his friend's grasp. The only thing about him that moved was one slow, genuine tear, inching its way down his flushed face.

They were still like that when the door slid open again, and someone stepped in.

"Syaoran-kun, Eriol-kun, are you…" Sakura's voice trailed off as she took in what she saw. Eriol was hanging by the front of his shirt from one of Syaoran's hands; Syaoran's other hand was poised in a clenched fist, as if to strike. "What's going on?"

"We're talking," Eriol said flatly.

"It doesn't look like talking to me," she replied quietly. There was a pause. "Does this have something to do with Tomoyo-chan?" There was a slight tremor in her voice as she said the name.

Both boys nodded.

Sakura fought back tears. She had never cried this much in her life. "Stop it. Both of you, just stop it! I don't want anyone else to get hurt!" Her voice grew louder with each word, and at the last, she wheeled and fled the room.

That seemed to jolt both boys back into motion, and they followed her. Guilt spurred both of them in the chase. It had never crossed either of their minds that Sakura might come in and see them on the verge of a fight. And now she was probably angry at them. Possibly worried.

And forever heartbroken.

Syaoran and Eriol caught up to her in the music room. Sakura was standing beside the glossy black piano; one hand was resting gently on the keys, though she didn't yet put enough pressure into that hand to make any sound echo from the instrument.

"Tomoyo-chan was always in this room," Sakura said softly. Her voice was surprisingly steady.

After that, the room fell into silence. The two young men stood just inside the door, and Sakura stood beside the piano. After a few seconds, she put a little pressure on her fingers, and a few soft notes played. From the faintest echoes of those randomly pressed keys came another sound. A different sound.

The sound was very soft at first, but grew gradually louder, gradually more powerful. At first, Sakura and Syaoran didn't even notice it. Then they both fell silent and listened.

It was a song. A familiar song, echoing all around them.

"This was the song Tomoyo-chan sang a solo for when we were in elementary school," Sakura whispered, looking around for the source of the music. "It was for a competition, remember that? It was when the Voice Card stole her voice!"

Syaoran nodded, also searching for the person responsible for this.

Slowly, the wordless tune faded into lyrics.

After about five words, Sakura gasped and clutched at Syaoran's shirt. "This is Tomoyo-chan's voice! I'd know it anywhere!" Her brow furrowed in suspicion, and she fished into her pocket, soon producing the SONG Card. It was still sealed away, and showed no signs of having been used recently. Another dig into her pocket produced the VOICE, and it was the same thing. Safely sealed.

But there really was no more time or cause to ponder it.

The music wove around them, like a mother wrapping a warm blanket around her cold child. It was warmth, caring, love, a summer embrace, and the three closed their eyes, giving themselves over to the simple melody and simple words, floating around them from an invisible singer who used Tomoyo's song and Tomoyo's voice.

As the music faded away, like the last breath of an angel in flight, all three of the teenagers in the room let out breaths that they hadn't even realized they were holding. The pent up breaths came out as heavy sighs.

Suddenly, it didn't hurt quite as much. The ache was still there, ever present, but something about that ache was dulled in the slightest. And even the smallest of helps can be the greatest of reliefs.

So engrossed in the now silent room were they, they failed to notice a faint shadow on the wall, beside the window. And they certainly didn't notice as the shadow seemed to move over the wall, to finally move out the open window.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Above the sky, on top of the clouds, two women sat.

One, wearing a red kimono, was applauding, her face full of adulterated delight. "Tomoyo, that was wonderful! When you said you were a singer, I didn't dare imagine you were that talented!"

The other young woman, a young, dark haired beauty, flushed a brilliant crimson and waved her hand, as though dismissing the compliment as ridiculous. "No, I'm not that good…"

"We could argue for the rest of eternity about this, but I would rather not," Maya decided to close the argument before it really got started. "There are far more pleasant things one can talk about."

Tomoyo nodded and looked back down at the Here-Below, at her friends, still standing in the music room, staring off in wonder. "I think that helped a little, but there's still so much to be done. I'm going back again. Soon."

"You're determined to help them accept, aren't you?" Maya asked.

A nod. "I'm the reason they're in pieces, so it's my responsibility to put them back together. And I will. I swear it on the Cards, I will."

AN: Whew, another chapter done. Yay rah. And don't worry, it's not over yet. No, Tomoyo doesn't have her wings yet…Heeheehee… Thanks!


	14. Daughter

**AN: **Okay, didn't get it up as early as I had hoped, but that's all right ^_^ I hope it is, anyway…actually, I went to post it, and found I had a slight problem with my Internet, so I had to go get that taken care of before I could update. So here it is now. Yay rah.

I touched on Sonomi early in the story, and then kind of forgot about her *sheepish* So now we're going to check back in and see how Tomoyo helps her mother. Yay rah. I don't own CCS.

**Chapter Fourteen—Daughter**

The house felt empty.

It was an enormous building, more of a mansion, but it had never seemed so vacant, so hollow.

Tomoyo slid along the empty hallways, a shadow amidst shadows. There was no one around—no servants, no business associates of the Daidouji Toy Company, nothing. It was like an abandoned mansion from the movies—the spirits of the past moved silently through hallways that echoed into eternity.

She shook off her feelings of revery and depression, and continued her noiseless movements. She had to find her mother.

But then she stopped dead in her tracks, no pun intended, and stared. Her bedroom door.

Her _former_ bedroom, anyway.

The impulse struck, and she succumbed. She stepped through the closed door—in her current spirit state, she had the ability to pass through solid objects, which was a little creepy, to a certain extent, but it was also extremely convenient when she didn't want to overly alarm anyone.

Back in the room that for so long had been hers. It started an avalanche, released a whole slew of memories that she would have just as soon suppressed. Remembering what she had lost would send her right back into grieving, and she did not have time to grieve now. She had more important things to deal with at that moment.

After her loved ones were stable, she could mourn. Then and only then could she weep.

She glided through the doorway that led to her video room. Another waterfall of memories threaten to come crashing down and sweep her away, but she refused to let herself drown in the onslaught.

Instead, she walked around the movie room, letting insubstantial fingers run over tapes of events that had been recorded long ago. Well, in some cases it was mere months, but it still felt as though eons had passed since the images recorded onto those videos had been laid out before her trademark camera.

Footsteps near the door snapped her from her reminiscient state, pulling her back to her original intentions. Somehow, she knew who was standing beyond that engraved piece of wood. And suddenly, Tomoyo had an idea. A very good idea.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Daidouji Sonomi paused outside the door to her daughter's bedroom and stared at the door.

She had gone into her daughter's room only once since the news of the accident had come. She had gone in there to select an outfit for her daughter to be buried in, and the ordeal had left her in even more pieces then she had already been in. She had refused to set foot in the room again, and since that day, the only person to have gone in the room was a maid, to dust.

She would have to go in there eventually, to sort through Tomoyo's things. But right now, she couldn't. She just couldn't face it.

With a sigh and a heavy heart, she turned away and made to leave.

"Come on, say something!"

Sonomi froze and looked back at the door. There were voices coming from behind that door. That was the door that led to Tomoyo's room.

"Iie, I don't want to…" another voice replied to the first one.

She knew that voice.

Curiousity and something like terror overrode everything else, and Sonomi stepped over put her hand on the doorknob, and pushed the door open.

She froze, staring into the room she had gone out of her way not to enter for quite some time. Then, slowly, she took one slow step onto the carpet. Some impulse compelled her to turn and gently close the door behind her.

"You have to!" the voice persisted, and Sonomi followed it.

Slowly, she moved across the room, to the doorway that led into the cinema, Tomoyo's favored place of movie viewing. With one hand, she carelessly brushed aside the curtain that hung across the door and stared up at the source of the voices.

There was an image playing on the enormous cinema screen that Tomoyo had always used for viewing her homemade movies. Sonomi didn't really take time to wonder how in the world the screen had been turned on or the tape played. Her attention was on the images.

"Okay, okay," the girl on the screen laughed and flushed a little. She tossed her long dark mane of curls casually over her shoulder and smiled brilliantly at the camera. "Konnichiwa. My name is Daidouji Tomoyo, and today is my sixteenth birthday." She paused, then laughed again. "Okay, enough!"

"Iie, iie! You can't! Keep going!" the voice coming from behind the camera sounded suspiciously like Sakura, urging Tomoyo to say more.

"What should I say?" Tomoyo heaved an overly exasperated sigh.

"I don't know! Say anything!" Sakura's voice said cheerfully.

Tomoyo rolled her eyes, threw her hands in the air, and trumpeted, "Anything!"

"Not funny!" Sakura protested.

Sonomi slowly sank into one of the movie theatre seats that formed neat rows across the room, never once taking her eyes from the screen. She remembered that day, the day Tomoyo had turned sweet sixteen. There had been a party, with all her friends there. Everyone had been so happy.

"Okay, okay, I'll talk" Tomoyo's screen image laughed. "Well, I've been around for sixteen long years now, and I have to say, it's been an interesting life." She paused and turned around to take a mock-swing at Hiiragizawa Eriol, who was busily making faces in the background; then she turned back, face a little flushed from laughter. "I go to a good school, I have a group of awesome friends, and an awesome mom. My family. I mean, I just can't imagine being happier, if nothing changes. I guess Gershwin said it best. Who could ask for anything more?"

"Yay, Tomoyo-chan!" Sakura cheered from behind the camera.

"Okay, give me my camera back!" Tomoyo protested, reaching towards the screen. A second later, the camera moved in a pan of the room and focused in on Sakura, who was laughing her head off. And the film went on, with the rest of the party. The happiness, the excitement, and the way Li Syaoran somehow managed to end up with cake all over his face. There had always been suspicion of a prank, somehow, in that matter, but no one had ever been able to prove anything. Luckily, Sakura had been there to calm Syaoran down and keep him from harming Eriol, who he swore was behind it.

Through the whole thing, Sonomi's eyes never moved from the screen.

Tomoyo stood at the back of the room, just behind her mother, watching over Sonomi's shoulder. She had forgotten all about this tape, until she had come back into this room. But the minute she had seen it and remembered what was on that tape, she knew it was perfect.

It was happiness. She had been happy, right until the moment of her death. She wanted to be remembered in that light of happiness, rather then the circumstances that had taken her away.

And she hoped, desperately, that her mother would understand that. After all, Tomoyo was smart, and she was her mother's daughter.

Tomoyo reached out, towards her mother, and touched her shoulder. She let her fingers become solid for just a second, long enough for Sonomi to feel the contact before she fell back into invisibility. Then her arm slid right through her okaasan's back.

Sonomi spun around so fast that Tomoyo was surprised she didn't break her neck. Her eyes were wide, tear-filled, and alert as a watchdog. Those eyes darted back and forth, not missing anything. Only a hint of suspicion tinged the heartbroken expression in those eyes. Suspicion…and _hope_.

Tomoyo smiled, but remained invisible. She didn't know exactly how it would go over if she suddenly appeared in front of her already distraught mother. And besides, her okaasan was slowly realizing that her daughter was there already.

"Okaasan," Tomoyo whispered. A sound like the flutter of butterfly wings on the wind.

Yet Sonomi heard it.

She heard her daughter's voice, though the room remained hollow, painfully empty.

A single, genuine tear rolled down the mother's face.

Maybe Tomoyo wasn't completely gone after all…

Maybe…

AN: Yay rah, another [successful] chapter. I think there's going only going to be three or four more chapters to this fic. Yes, I know I haven't gotten to the ExT part yet. It's coming! I promise! Just not in the next chapter. *readers feel the urge to throw many, many bricks at the author*

Next chapter, I might bring Yue back into the picture. Key word: MIGHT. Haven't decided yet. Laters!


	15. Alone

**AN: **New chapter. Don't hurt me for the delay. This is my priority fic at the moment. I'll be focusing on this until it's done in, oh, about three chapters. And I already have the last two chapters each half written, since they were things I've known were going to happen since I started this fic.

Okay, a review set this chapter off. I think the words were something along the lines of "Where the [censored] is Meiling?" Realize that I'm paraphrasing, of course ^_^ So here you go. A moment with Meiling. Totally introspective. After this chapter, there will be three more, and Yue will be back with Sakura and co. in the next chapter. Yes, I'm bringing Yue back. So just be patient!

Onwards. I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura. CLAMP does. Blah.

**Chapter Fifteen—Alone**

She listened silently to her cousin on the other end of the line. One finger absently twirled the spiralled telephone cord around it, a nervous habit she had picked up long ago.

Quite frankly, Meiling didn't believe him. Syaoran had to be kidding.

He was telling her about something that had happened a few days ago, to him, Sakura, and Eriol while they had been in the music room at the school. A song, coming from an unseen source. Tomoyo's voice, singing apparently from the very walls themselves.

It was the most unbelievable thing she had ever heard. Tomoyo was dead. Meiling didn't use euphemisms like 'passed away' or 'moved on' or even 'gone' to try and soften the blow. It didn't do anything to make it easier. Tomoyo was dead. Flat-out, simple, direct. Dead.

Such an ugly word to describe such a beautiful person.

But the more she listened to Syaoran's words, the more she realized that he was telling the truth. He truly believed what he was saying, and he wasn't one to lie. Especially when it was about something this important, this emotional. And she had known him long enough to be certain of his honesty.

No matter how impossible it seemed.

But Meiling didn't say anything. She simply let him talk. His voice cracked several times during the course of his dialogue. He had just needed someone to listen, and she was his sounding board. It was the least she could do, considering how much he had been holding in for the sake of his beloved.

He ended his story about the mysterious song, and went off on how everyone else at the school was holding up. Her friends were doing well. They were coping beautifully, accepting, and moving on with their lives. But there were a precious few who couldn't quite let it go.

And there was something else Syaoran had said that had caught her attention: he was actually willing to admit that he was worried about Hiiragizawa Eriol. The seriousness was reflected by the fact that he would say it out loud.

Meiling had only met Eriol once, and she wasn't quite sure what to make of him. Syaoran had told her that he was Clow Reed's reincarnation; she knew it was true, but it had always struck her as a little odd that the greatest sorceror to have ever lived could be ordered around by someone nonmagical, like he fell all over himself to do anything Tomoyo might ask of him.

And from what Syaoran was saying now, the poor guy was heartbroken. Shattered, almost beyond recognition or repair.

The Chinese girl listened silently for a while longer, than offered a few simple words of comfort, sympathy, and understanding. Then they bid their farewells. As she set the receiver back into the cradle, Meiling became acutely aware that she was exhausted, considering she hadn't really been doing anything.

Her hands, now free from holding the receiver, folded themselves in her lap.

It had been difficult here, alone. At least her friends in Tomoeda had each other. Everyone there had known Daidouji Tomoyo, and her death had hit all of them more or less equally. And they'd had each other to rely on to get through. They had each other's shoulders to cry on.

Meiling had no one.

When Syaoran had called her with the news, he had still been in shock, but she had heard Wei in the background, being encouraging. She had received the news alone, and had reacted to the news alone.

No one here had known Daidouji Tomoyo. No one had seen her sometimes humorous obsession with videotaping her best friend; no one had spent an entire summer emailing and calling back and forth, working with this girl to develop a plot that hopefully would culminate in the romantic confession of two of their best friends, ending a lengthy period of loneliness for both of them. No one here knew her, and so no one could completely understand why she was heartbroken.

Of the whole Clan, the only one who knew anything of it was Li Yelan, Syaoran's mother, Meiling's aunt. Yelan was the one Clan member who had met Tomoyo, who knew anything about her. And she sympathized, comforted as best she could.

But that was all. Otherwise, there was no one.

Alone in her room, she let her mind drift back to the past.

Meiling remembered the day she had returned to Japan at Syaoran's summons. He had claimed that he had news to tell her. It had ended up being that he needed to tell her that he was breaking off their engagement because he had lost his heart to another—the cheerful, if naïve, Card Mistress. Tomoyo had known what was to happen; she had offered support before the axe fell, and given it after the crushing blow had been dealt. Meiling had soaked her lap that awful night, sobbing.

And then there had been the day that she had brought Syaoran back to Tomoeda so that Sakura could finally give him her answer. That had been a plot she and Daidouji had cooked up in order to bring the two together. Tomoyo had been wonderful about doing everything she could to get the two alone so that the confession could take place. Of course, the VOID had struck, nearly destroying the whole thing. But in the end, it had been the last straw, giving the two the push they needed to confess.

One single tear slid down Meiling's face, leaving a long, damp path in its wake; it rolled off her chin and fell onto the hands she had so tightly clenched in her lap. Another soon followed suit.

That had been Tomoyo. One of her closest friends.

She knew the story: a couple of idiotic teens taking a corner too fast on a dare or something, Tomoyo went flying, and died there, on the pavement, before help could arrive. She breathed her last, cradled in her best friend's arms.

It wasn't right. That wasn't how it should have happened.

Tomoyo was too good, too decent of a person to have died like that, curled up on the cold pavement in the middle of some street, surrounded by her own blood and a few close friends. Maybe that happened to some other people, but not Tomoyo.

Tomoyo was supposed to grow up. She was going to be a successful fashion designer, get married to someone she loved, and have five children, all of whom would be as beautiful and talented as their mother. She was supposed to die an old lady, warm in the safety of her bed, surrounded by family and friends, after living a long and successful life.

But it hadn't happened like that.

More tears freed themselves to run rivers down Meiling's cheeks. She dipped her head; her dark hair swung over her face, obscuring it, even though there was no one there to see her cry.

She was still alone.

**AN: **And I'm spent! Whew. That was harder than I thought it would be…but I'm almost to one hundred reviews! *does happy dance* Pretty please put it over the top? *flailflailflail* Please?!?

Should be three more chapters. Next chapter, yes, I'm bringing Yue back, and he's going to have a little bigger part than he did last time he appeared. And all you ExT fans, never fear. I promised you romance, and you'll get it. It's coming ^_~


	16. Friendship

**AN: **Eep. *Candyland hides under bed* Please don't hurt each other! And if you reeeeally feel the need to kill each other, pretty please don't do it on the review boards? So hard to get blood off monitor…and remember, I bruise easily *^-^*

If you're looking for the reason for my lack of updates, see my profile. It's all explained there.

Anyway, thank you sososososososoooooo much, all you wonderful reviewers! I love you all! *showers all reviewers with loves, kisses, chocolate, and illegal herbs* *grin* And because of all you wonderful people, I bring you another chapter. And Yue's back! And a little more Syaoran! Not much, but I kinda left poor Li-kun out in the cold for a while. Whee-hee!!!

I don't own CCS. La dee freakin' da…now take the chapter. TAKE IT, DARN YOU!! TAKE IT!!!!

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**Chapter Sixteen—Friendship**

Three pairs of eyes peeked around the corner. One pair was coffee brown, one was gentle amber, and the last was small and black, like a plush toy's. A strange assortment under almost any circumstances, except for these. In this home, this was normal.

And what they were watching had become quite normal recently as well.

Two teenagers were sitting on the couch in the Kinomoto family's living room. There were no words spoken between Sakura and Syaoran. Her hands were clasped tightly on her knees, and one of Syaoran's hands rested on top of hers. It was supposed to be a soothing gesture, but something about his tense posture betrayed it somehow.

They'd been like that for quite some time, barely moving. And likewise, those who were engaging in rather obvious spying had been observing them for quite a while as well. But now, finally, they pulled away from the doorway, and tiptoed far enough away that they could whisper without being heard.

"I'd say I'm worried, but that would be a lie," Touya murmured, running a rough hand through coffee-brown hair. "I've been beyond the point of worry for a couple of weeks now. She's hasn't come out of this daze at all." He sighed. "I want my sister back, dammit!"

Yukito looked down; a rare frown crossed his face. "The other me wants out. Yue. He wants to talk to Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun. He says he's worried about them both." Without another word, and before either Kero or Touya could react, Yukito gave himself over to the transformation.

The magic circled flared on the floor, and the snowy feathers enveloped the young man. A second later, the wings separated, and in place of Yukito was the somber Judge. Yue. And, if such a thing was possible, he actually looked less cheerful then he usually did.

"I wish a word with the Mistress," he said shortly. No one argued. Not that they would have dared anyway. There was something about Yue at that moment that didn't allow for any arguments; it was doubtful that even Clow Reed himself would have dared cross the Moon Guardian then.

Given the circumstances, whether or not that was a good thing was quite debatable.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The shadow that fell across the floor in front of Sakura and Syaoran was large, and familiar, but she still had to look up at the figure casting the image before she realized who it was. How she could have _not_ recognized the tall, slender, winged form was beyond her, but she wasn't thinking too clearly at that moment. So she let it pass.

Beside her, she felt Syaoran tense as the somber being strolled a few steps beyond the door. After gracing them with one of his patented unreadable looks, Yue let himself sink into a seat directly across from the two magical teens.

_He _can_ sit down, _Sakura thought offhandedly, then shook the notion off.

For a long moment, it was silent in the room. Yue's penetrating gaze never left either of them; something about the glare in those iridescent silver eyes nearly sent chills down Sakura's spine, but she managed to stave it off. Yue was always like that. Even after all this time, some part of her was still…frightened wasn't the right word. _Intimidated_ was more like it.

"This may come as a surprise to you," Yue's voice was flat, with an underlying tone of something that wasn't quite identifiable, "but it won't always be this painful."

Sakura stared at him blankly. She would have asked what he meant, but she sensed that he was going to continue, and remained silent. Beside her, she could almost feel Syaoran thinking the same thing.

"You've lost someone important to you," he went on; it was almost as though he was talking to himself. "And it hurts. You don't think you will ever be happy again, do you?" He glanced at her, and she shook her head slowly, truthfully. "It will pass. This is for both of you."

Syaoran's hands tightened ever so gently on hers.

"You'll never stop missing her," Yue's gaze had shifted to the window, just to the teenagers' left, and he seemed to be staring at something beyond those panes of glass, something far off in the treacherous sunlight. "She was a dear friend to you. And you will always miss her. But it won't last forever."

It dawned on her that he was speaking from his own personal experience.

"Someday, it will subside. Someday, you'll be able to think or talk about Tomoyo without having to cry. Daijoubu."

It was the first time she could remember him calling Tomoyo by name.

"And," he added, seemingly an afterthought, "there was nothing you could have done." Unbeknownst to her, he was watching her intently, for any sign of a reaction. He was going out on a limb with that comment, and he knew it. It was something he had been mulling over for quite some time now, during the time he spent locked away in the back of Yukito's mind, and now he was taking the risk.

But he wasn't disappointed.

Her eyes widened almost imperceptibly at the statement. It was something she herself had been silently tormenting herself with. She hadn't even admitted that particularly poisonous little thought to Syaoran. She had been right there, when Tomoyo had died, and she had done nothing. She was the Card Mistress, the most powerful sorceress to have ever lived, more powerful than even Clow Reed himself. And she couldn't save her best friend.

It was a vicious, gnawing little notion that had plagued her, clinging to her mind and conscience like a leech. And she couldn't shake it, no matter how hard she tried.

Sakura's emerald eyes locked with Yue's icy blue-silver ones, searching for confirmation, that what he was saying was what he actually believed. And it was there.

A small comfort. The tiniest of reassurances. But somehow, it helped.

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**AN: ***waves flag* Yay, Yue! …that probably wasn't worth the wait. *eyes chapter* Hoeeee…I am a _terrible_ judge of my own work, though. Truthfully, I think everything I write is pretty damn mediocre, so forgive my blatant self-criticism. Ugh…the next chapter will be tons better, though! And, ideally, will be up a little bit sooner.

Two more chapters, and this story will be put to bed. Next chapter, the thing I think most people have been waiting for, the ExT chapter! It's half done-ish. I've been working on it on and off throughout the entire course of the fic, because it's such an important chapter. It has to be just right! I want perfection for that chapter ^_^ It'll also (hopefully) be a little longer then these past few have been.

Until then, ja ne!


	17. Visits

**AN: **Have you ever had a story where you just have to be in a certain mood to write it? Well, that's what this story has become for me. I tried. I swear, I tried. But for whatever reason, nothing was working the way I wanted it to, so I simply set it aside until it went how I wanted it to go. And it finally worked out. That's my excuse—I haven't been able to find the right mood.

Someone asked me a while back how this could have ET in it if Tomoyo's dead. Well, here ya go, as promised. The big romance chapter!!! I sincerely hope I don't disappoint anyone. I worked really hard on this chapter! Originally it was going to just be ExT, but then I decided that there was something else I needed to do. So a nice, long chappie for y'all. I mean, loooooong. I don't own CLAMP, just my plotline.

Oh yeah, and the lyrics woven into the second half of this chapter are from a song called "How Could I Ever Know?" from the Broadway musical _The __Secret__Garden__. _I can't remember who wrote it, and I'm too lazy to look it up, but whoever they are, they own it, not me!!!

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**Visits**

It was a surprisingly pleasant day outside. It was the sort of day that could raise anybody's spirits, no matter what. For that reason, Sakura and Syaoran opted to go out walking. They headed to the park, where there were plenty of other people out enjoying the nice weather.

For the first time in quite some time, Sakura actually felt her spirits lightening. Maybe it was the sunshine, the brightness, or maybe it was even that time was going by and healing the wound, but she felt better than she had in quite some time. She still had a problem smiling, but she did feel better.

They didn't talk much as they wandered; Syaoran seemed to sense that she was mulling things over—namely, her increasingly improving mood. It almost felt like a betrayal, to be cheering up when her best friend was dead.

Finally, after they'd been walking around the park for a while, Sakura broke the silence to confess that worry. "I'm feeling better. It's getting easier to deal with. But it feels like I'm betraying her."

He actually stopped dead in his tracks. "Nani?!?"

She blushed a little. "She's dead," she said bluntly, "and I'm moving on." A pause while he processed this. "I don't want to forget her."

"Cheering up doesn't mean you're forgetting her!" Syaoran protested, finally knowing why she had been so quiet. "I mean, didn't she always say you were at your best when you were happy?" No response, so he went on. "If Tomoyo heard you, I think she'd probably have some words about that."

Sakura made a small sound that he interpreted as being agreement, or possibly an 'I'll think about that' grunt. He didn't say anything more, but let her lead the way. Finally, she ended up by the fountain in the middle of the park. She plopped down on the edge of the cement pool and absently looked down into the blue-white water, dotted all over with coins on the bottom from wishes past.

And she gasped.

"S-Syaoran…" Sakura whispered, gesturing with one hand for him to come closer.

He obeyed, inching nearer, and peered over her shoulder into the fountain.

There was Sakura's reflection, and his beside it…and a third one. A dark-haired one, wearing purple clothes and a big smile. He knew that face…quickly he turned and looked around; there was no one behind him. But when he looked down again, it was still there.

"T-T-Tomoyo?" he stammered. The reflection nodded; then Tomoyo's reflection turned and moved away, as though she had simply turned and wandered off, walking away from them.

_"Don't worry so much," _a cheerful voice said in his mind. Beside him, Sakura's head snapped up, so he assumed that she heard it as well. _"Please. Don't be so sad. I'm fine. Sakura-chan, a smile will always suit you the best."_

Sakura turned and looked at her boyfriend in wide-eyed shock; Syaoran wore the same expression.

For a moment, he was sure she was going to panic, given her intense and longstanding fear of ghosts, but instead, she actually smiled.

Something she hadn't done in a long time. Syaoran found himself smiling back.

And unbeknownst to both of them, nearby, there was someone else smiling, too.

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The darkness was a longtime friend of Eriol's, and had become moreso as of late.

He kept his room plunged into pleasant, pleasing darkness. It was like a barrier, a shield to protect him from anyone and everyone. It didn't make sense to anyone else, nor did he expect it to.

At this moment, he was sprawled in the comfort of his room, on the comfort of his bed. He pulled the pillow around his face as tightly as he could; he couldn't breathe very well like that, but he didn't care too much. With this arrangement, Nakuru and Spinel wouldn't be able to hear him. They already knew he wasn't himself.

Clow Reed had not been the kind of person who really cried. And for the longest time Hiiragiziwa Eriol had been the same way. But that had changed with the screeching of brakes.

Tears seeped from his eyes into the pillowcase; it wasn't very long before it was soaked. He didn't know how long he stayed like that, either. Not that it mattered too much…

"Shh…" a soft, familiar voice whispered soothingly; he felt a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of silent comfort. "It's okay. Go ahead." He wasn't sure who the voice belonged to—it was a female voice, but it wasn't Nakuru. He didn't argue, but obeyed, letting everything go in a way he hadn't been able to for a long time. And the owner of the voice kept a hand on his back, murmuring softly.

Where did he know that voice from? Why did his heart skip half a dozen beats when he heard it, whispering to him in the dark? He searched his memory. And finally, he put a face with the voice. And his heart shattered all over again with an audible sound, like a mirror dropped onto a stone floor, shards scattering everywhere.

His sore, tear-filled eyes snapped open, and he pushed himself up into a sitting position, whirling around to face the hitherto-unknown person in the room with him. His jaw dropped.

Sitting beside him on the bed, Tomoyo smiled gently, as though silently laughing at him. "Close your mouth before you swallow something you'll regret."

_How could I know I would have to leave you?_

_How could I know I would hurt you so?_

_You were the one I was born to love_

_Oh, how could I ever know?_

_How could I ever know?_

There was a soft click as his teeth hit together when his jaw snapped closed. "D-D-Daidouji-san?"

"So formal, old friend?" she asked calmly. "We've known each other for far too long, and I don't have time for formalities. So please call me Tomoyo, just like always."

Eriol still looked as though he was going to either faint or scream—or perhaps both.

She reached out and touched his hand. "Eriol-kun, please. It's all right."

He looked down at where her fingers were making contact with his; it was cold, like an icy wind had touched his skin. Then he looked back up into those midnight colored eyes. "It's really you?"

"Hai."

"But you're—"

"Dead. Hai."

"Then what are you—"

She actually chuckled. Then her expression grew somber. "I've been watching everyone for a while now. Since it happened, actually. And I'm worried." She regarded him for a moment. "Okaasan, Sakura-chan, Syaoran-kun…and you."

"What do you mean?" he asked, looking down; for some reason, he couldn't quite meet her gaze.

"Eriol, don't be difficult," she sighed.

He looked up again and took a really good look at the beautiful wraith sitting beside him on his bed. She looked exactly as she had on the day of her death—that skirt and top were the outfit she had been wearing as she darted out into the street, her hair was hanging down her back, loose and free, and her eyes were shining. But he felt an unexpected surge of something, and he glared at her. He was being childish and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. He was angry. "You left. Why did you leave?"

She remained calm. "It wasn't by choice, Eriol-kun."

"You still left," he snapped; then he looked away.

"How could I have known?" she asked gently, and he felt guilty. It wasn't her fault. He was just being a spoiled brat, wanting someone to blame, and finding no other available scapegoat.

_How can I say to go on without me?_

_How, when I know you still need me so?_

_How can I say not to dream about me?_

_How could I ever know?_

_How could I ever know?_

Eriol looked down again, but not for long. One cool, pale hand reached out and touched his cheek, gently tilting his face upwards so that he had nowhere else to look except into her face, her eyes.

"Please," she said, pleadingly. He started. That was the last thing he had expected her to say. "Please, stop this. Stop doing this to yourself. There was nothing you could do, no matter how much you try to convince yourself that you could have saved me. It was too late. Let it go. Go on with your life."

"But—" It was amazing. He had centuries of experiences behind him; the wisdom of ages was stowed away in a memory that spanned two lifetimes. Yet this girl, Daidouji Tomoyo, could reduce his normally extensive vocabulary to absolutely nothing.

She shook her head. "You once said it yourself, Eriol-kun. Even Clow Reed had his limits. There was nothing anyone could do. Not Syaoran, not Sakura, and not you."

"But—I…" he tried to stammer out the truth, at long last, but she shook her head.

"I know."

He blinked owlishly at her. For all of his centuries of knowledge, experience, and worldly learning, words deserted him as he stared at her. She looked radiant, serene, sitting calmly beside him, one hand cupping his face.

She leaned forward then, and brushed her lips against his.

_Forgive me, can you forgive me?_

_And hold me in your heart_

_And find some new way to love me_

_Now that we're apart_

Eriol was so surprised he nearly pulled away, not only that she was here, kissing him, but that she was warm now. The hand on his face, the hand that a moment ago had been like an ice cube touching his cheek, was warm; the warmth flooded through his entire being. Suddenly, his broken heart didn't ache quite so much.

One hand cautiously reached up and touched her cheek; it was warm as well. He let his fingers slid through her hair, just like he had always wanted to do but had never dared except for one time, one time he would much rather have forgotten. For a moment, he could forget that she was gone. For that all too fleeting moment, he could have easily believed that she was alive and well.

He was only vaguely aware of rolling onto his back and pulling her down on top of him.

"Sleep now," she whispered against his lips. "Aishiteru."

And he tumbled, spiralling downwards into some vague place, without time or limitations. Only warm, comfortable darkness, and pure, unabridled emotions that had been denied for far too long…

When Eriol next opened his eyes, sunlight was pouring into the room. Someone had opened the curtains, allowing the golden rays into what had recently become his refuge of darkness.

Suddenly, the events of the night came rushing back to him. He sat up straight, all sleepiness gone. He looked down at himself. He was still in the jeans and dark blue sweater he had been wearing the night before, now rumpled from being slept in.

He glanced around the room. Other than the fact that it was now almost painfully bright because of the open drapes and the morning sun, everything was as it was supposed to be. There was no sign that anyone had been there except him.

Eriol sighed. It had been a dream after all. He had imagined seeing her. He had imagined that she was here, comforting him. And he had _definitely_ imagined that she had kissed him.

With a groan, he flipped over and flopped down onto his stomach on the bed with his eyes closed, taking in the feel of the soft comforter against his cheek. But suddenly, he became aware of something. A sweet fragrance, slowly filling the room around him. He opened his eyes and blinked.

On the pillow was a small sprig of cherry blossoms. They were fresh, as if they had just been cut from the tree. Eriol crawled forward a few inches and picked them up, regarding the white-pink flowers with a certain fascination. They smelled wonderful. The perfume of them assailed his senses, and he breathed it in deeply. It was quite a heady draught.

_How could I know I would never hold you_

_Never again in this world, but oh_

_Sure as you breathe, I am there inside you_

_How could I ever know?_

_How could I ever know?_

He closed his eyes again…and slowly, he smiled.

His heart was broken, but somehow, it continued to beat.

It was all going to be all right. After all, he had someone watching over him.

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In the sky, above the clouds, two young women smiled.

"He'll be fine now," Tomoyo said, relieved. "But if he doesn't start eating and taking better care of himself, I'll go back down there and haunt him!" She made the mock-threat with a shake of her fist to accent her words, and her companion laughed.

"He will be fine. After all, he's a survivor. They all are," Maya replied. The angel paused, then glanced at her young friend with a raised eyebrow. "So what's his name? He's a looker!"

Tomoyo blushed and stuck her tongue out.

Maya laughed again, then stopped. "Oh, that reminds me, Tomoyo. I have something to give you."

"Nani?" Tomoyo looked at her friend quizzically for a moment. Then her eyes widened first in surprise, then in the utmost delight.

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AN: Voila! Told ya there'd be ExT kissy kissy!!! Teehee, that was about the maturity level of a five year old. Oh well. I'm in college. I can still get away with that stuff. I hope. Anyway, one chapter after this. Yes, I know, it's almost over. And I think you'll like the ending. I pretty much wrote the last chapter first, lol. There's an order to my chaos…sometimes…later!


	18. Angel

**AN: **This is the end of my little tale. Right after I started this fic, I was lying in my six foot high lofted bed, staring at the ceiling (which I can reach out and touch), when this idea just smacked me right in the forehead. Had to use it, hope you enjoy it, cuz I worked really hard on getting this chapter just right. I don't own CCS, just my storyline and my one original character, Maya.

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**Chapter 18—Angel**

"They're healing."

Tomoyo looked over her shoulder at her friend—for she had no trouble thinking of Maya as her friend—and smiled. "It's started. They just need a little push in the right direction."

"You've done well. You've done very well, my young friend," Maya moved around to stand beside Tomoyo. "I trust that you are pleased?"

"That they're starting to move on?" Blue-violet eyes clouded with confusion.

The angel laughed. "Well, that, and everything else."

Comprehension dawned, and Tomoyo nodded fervently. "Oh, yes!" Her eyes returned to the space beyond the clouds. That was Earth, often referred to as the Here-Below. It was growing darker down there, as the sun set; above the clouds, in the Here-Above, it was always bright, perpetual sunlight.

"Are you watching them as well, Tomoyo?"

The melodious voice was one Tomoyo had never heard before, and she spun around to see who the speaker was. It was a female voice, and whoever she was, she obviously knew Tomoyo.

The speaker did, indeed, prove to be a young woman. She was wearing green, and had dancing eyes and gray-brown hair for miles. And Tomoyo recognized her instantly.

"You're—" she started to gasp, but was stopped by a wave of the hand.

"Hai, hai," Nadeshiko said cheerily, moving to the other side of the dark-haired teen. "Maya, it has been a while."

"Always too long," Maya returned the greeting with a smile. They had known each other for most of Nadeshiko's time in the Here-Above, and were friends. "Your daughter is starting to heal."

"Sakura…" Nadeshiko's expression grew soft at the mention of the child she had barely known. Then she turned an unreadable Look on Tomoyo, who was still standing between the two adults, looking faintly poleaxed. "She misses you."

"I miss her, but…I think I scared her once already," Tomoyo sighed, remembering how she had appeared as a reflection in the park fountain only a couple days earlier. She had major misgivings about trying to help Sakura in that manner, given her best friend's intense fear of ghosts. So she had been as careful as possible, choosing the least menacing manner she could think of to contact her friend. Between broad daylight and having Syoaran right at her side, it had gone over quite well.

"And you seem to be doing quite well!" Nadeshiko said, turning suddenly; a sprinkle of gold tumbled from her snowy wings at her movement.

"And she made a special trip down to Earth to see a young man," Maya grinned. "He's a good-looking one, too. Let me show you which one he is…" She pointed towards Earth.

Tomoyo blushed. Honestly…

She had the feeling that eternity with those two was going to be very interesting indeed…

And on Earth below, night had finally fallen.

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Syaoran wandered slowly down to the footbridge.

He had been a bit alarmed when she had called him and asked him to meet her there. Normally, if they were going somewhere, especially at night, he would come and pick her up, right from her door. Naturally, he was worried about her being out in the dark. But he got to the bridge, and she was standing right there waiting for him, eyes cast towards the heavens.

How many times had they walked over this little bridge, going to and from school? He knew she and Tomoyo had walked across this bridge countless times. This was where he had tried to thank Sakura for everything, right before he had gone back to Hong Kong.

And now she was here, studying the stars.

He moved up behind her, slowly, not wanting to startle her. "Sakura?"

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she answered quietly, not looking down at him.

His gaze followed her. "Yes, it is."

At this point she dropped her eyes and turned to look at him. "I've been doing some thinking, since we saw that reflection in the fountain." She looked sad, but determined. "And Tomoyo's voice…" Her shell cracked a bit, but not much.

He took a step towards her, but was stopped by her next words.

Sakura reached out and gently touched his shoulder. "We need to try to go on. Nothing will come of holding onto the past." He looked like he was about to say something, but she continued. "It hurts. It really does. It hurts everyone," Sakura sighed, letting tears come to her eyes again. "But…I don't know. It doesn't hurt as much. Not since we heard that song. And then the fountain…"

Syaoran nodded. He knew what she meant.

"So I'm going to try!" she smiled, much to his surprise. It wasn't a feigned or forced smile, either. It was geniune, with only a touch of sadness. It was the first time she had really, truly smiled since the accident. And to his even greater surprise, Syaoran realized he was returning her grin with the same soft, sad little smile she wore.

Her smile waivered a tiny bit then, and she moved forward, melting into his arms, and crying softy into his jacket. He didn't say anything; he just let her go. It didn't last long; she cried herself out fairly quickly, and she pulled away, looking more than a little embarassed after her passionate speech about trying to be happy again. "Gomen."

He shook his head. "Nothing to be sorry for," he told her. "You have every right to be upset."

But when she looked him straight in the eye again, there was almost no sign of the tears. She looked contained, collected, and calm, the most calm she had been since the accident. It was as though that last burst of tears had washed something away, and she at last had herself back under control.

"Tomoyo's gone, Syaoran-kun. Nothing's going to change that, and nothing's going to bring her back. I understand that," she almost sighed the words, as though she had been dying to get them off her chest. "And I am upset. I'll always be sad when I think about it. I might even cry more. But…Tomoyo-chan always said that a smile suited me the best. She would want me to smile. She would want all of us to smile, and she would want us to go on with our lives. I owe it to her to keep being cheerful. That's how she liked me the best, after all."

"And you know what? You owe it to her too. You owe it to her to keep stomping around, arguing with Kero-chan, glaring at my brother—all the things that make you _you._ That's how Tomoyo-chan knew us, that's how she loved us, and if she can see us right now, wherever she is, that's how I want her to see all of us." Syaoran half-expected the tears to start falling again, but to his surprise, there were none. Sakura was completely under control. He would have almost said she looked peaceful.

"That was beautiful, Sakura-san."

She whirled around. Eriol had come up behind them at some point during her speech. She almost did a double-take, though, to make sure that it was really Eriol. He looked so frail, so tired…older, even. Nothing like the energetic, mischievious Eriol they all knew, loved, and, in Syaoron's case, occasionally wanted to strangle.

He noticed her studying him, and managed the weakest of smiles. "I'm fine. Don't worry."

"I always worry," Sakura replied. "You know, I don't think Tomoyo-chan would be too happy if you stopped eating and sleeping and went up there after her."

His eyes widened a tiny bit before he gave her that fragile smile again. "You sound exactly like Nakuru, you know that? She's been telling me that ever since…" His voice trailed off. It still hurt. God dammit, it still hurt! It didn't help any that he could still feel that surprisingly warm touch on his lips…

It was so strange, to see Eriol without that trademark smirk of his—the one smile that made Syaoran clench his fists and start seeing red. But at that moment, Syaoran actually wished for that little gleeful half-grin. It would have meant that things were normal again.

Then again, sometimes he also half-expected Tomoyo to come bounding out from behind a tree and shove her video camera right in Sakura's face, squealing 'Kawaii!' every other word and babbling like a hyperactive child about some new costume she had just designed for her best friend to model.

It wasn't going to happen. He knew that, though.

His eyes drifted towards the heavens. No real reason. He had always liked looking at the stars. Especially now. They were strangely comforting to him. The stars were constant. Some would eventually burn out and disappear, but there would always be stars overhead.

And that meant something.

As he watched, he saw a flash of movement. "Look!" he said quickly.

Two other pairs of eyes—one sapphire, one emerald—joined the amber pair in gazing upwards.

Something silver and gold streaked across the sky overhead.

Sakura stared at the path it had followed, where it had been. Beside her, both Syaoran and Eriol's eyes also remained skyward, even after the shooting star or whatever it was had long since disappeared.

Then something touched Sakura's hand. She looked down and saw Syaoran's fingers interlocked with hers. She lifted her eyes and met his. His warm amber eyes were shimmering with unshed tears, but at the same time, they were shining with the promise of hope. The promise of the future.

She smiled gently; he smiled back.

Then Sakura turned her head, and worry crossed her face. She let go of Syaoran's hand and walked over to stand by Eriol's shoulder. He was still watching the sky, as though hypnotized by the stars.

"Eriol-kun?" she said softly.

He didn't jump, as she feared he might. Finally, he sighed; his cloudy gray-blue eyes fell closed, and his head dropped. "I'm all right. It's just…" He wanted desperately to tell them what he had seen—or thought he had seen—the night before. He wanted so much to tell them what he knew—that Tomoyo was fine and happy, in a better place.

Sakura was silent, but he could sense that she was thinking. Her magic had been growing steadily stronger, and she was already able to control greater magic at sixteen than Clow Reed himself had been able to use at the time of his death. And with that power came abilities of almost uncanny perception.

"Eriol-kun," she finally said, slowly, "is there something you're not telling us?"

His head snapped, and he stared at her with wide, startled eyes. Then his expression softened. Sakura really had gotten a little too perceptive for comfort. "Hai, Sakura-san. But if it's all right, I'd rather not tell you. Not now, anyway."

"Some other time?" she ventured.

"Perhaps."

She nodded. Then she tilted her head to one side and regarded him with a knowing look. "You really cared about Tomoyo-chan a lot, didn't you?" The stunned look returned to his face, and she smiled a little. "I could tell. Just some little things."

The surprised expression changed to something akin to pain; Eriol averted his eyes and quickly spun his head so that his face was turned away from her. But not before Sakura saw something glittering wetly on his eyelashes.

She made a move, as though to comfort him, but he straightened up and gently waved her away. "It's all right. I'm fine." His eyes were damp, but nothing was falling from them. "I'll be just fine. I promise." She reached out anyway and gave his hand a squeeze, and he smiled sadly at her. They had all been through so much together. "Arigatou…" he murmured. It was a word spoken straight from the heart, she knew. "Shall we go?"

Sakura nodded, and behind her, Syaoran looked calm, the calmest Eriol had ever seen him. Sakura kept her hold on Eriol's hand, and reached out and grabbed one of Syaoran's hands as well.

It would never be the same again. The hurt would probably never go away. Perhaps broken hearts could never fully be healed—and those that could be fixed could take a long time to do so. And the loss of a friend at such a young age could shatter some hearts almost beyond hope of repair.

But nothing could change what had happened. It was all right to hang onto the memories, but they needed to let go of the past, and stop berating themselves for what couldn't be changed. All they could do was look forward, to the future and what was still to come, be it good or bad. No matter how bad it might get, they had in each other a crying shoulder, someone who understood. And sometimes, that's all a person needs to begin healing.

The three teenagers were silent; no words were really needed. They looked up at the sky one last time. Then, hand in hand, Sakura, Eriol, and Syaoran began walking through the dark, headed for home.

If one of those three teenagers, all gifted with magic, had looked back at that moment, they might have caught a glimpse of someone standing beside a tree at the end of the footbridge. A person who looked to be about their age, eyes of molten amethyst and long, dark hair that fell around her like a waterfall of blue-black silk. The person—a young woman of remarkable beauty for her age—was wearing a kimono of royal purple, with golden accents.

But as she watched, something in her face changed. It was subtle, unless one looked closely. If one looked hard enough, it was possible to see that her eyes were no longer a deep blue-violet, but instead had gone dark, nearly black. The glowing amethysts that had once been her eyes were replaced by the very heavens themselves.

A smile crossed the young woman's face. It was a smile that any of the three teenagers would have known all too well, and had it been seen, it may very well have been the cause for further heartbreak. Or perhaps it would have helped to heal. She didn't know, and she didn't really care to know. They hadn't seen her, and they weren't going to see her for a long time, unless they were in serious trouble. Then she would be at their sides in a heartbeat.

After all, she had been appointed to them and them alone, for as long as they needed her. A guardian angel for three of the people she had loved most in life.

Her work here was truly done now. They had each other. They would be fine. She would go now. Perhaps they would need her again someday, but until that time came, she would return to a place where she could watch over all of them until they were finally together again.

She turned to leave, satisfied with what she had seen and done.

And if, by chance, someone had looked at her at that second, when her back was turned, they would have seen two large, silver-white wings extending from the girl's back, releasing a shower of gold in their wake as she moved them.

But they only would have been able to see it for a split second. Then the young woman faded from sight and vanished, leaving only the starry night sky above, and one other thing.

Music. A sweet voice, a voice that had a sound reminscient of silver bells, singing a song that a knowledgable listener may have recognized as a musical piece commonly used for choirs of young voices.

The melody drifted along on the sweet breeze for a moment, lingering and melding with the air itself, before also fading into the silence of the night, like a lost memory from a long forgotten dream.

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_Those happy hours I spent with you_

_That lovely afterglow_

_Most of all, I miss you so_

_Your sweet caresses each rendevous_

_Your voice so soft and low_

_Most of all, I miss you so_

_You once filled my heart_

_No regrets, no fears_

_Now you'll find my heart_

_Filled to the top with tears_

_I'll always love you_

_And want you too_

_How much, you'll never know_

_Most of all, I miss you so_

_I'll always love you_

_And want you too_

_How much you'll never know_

_Most of all, I miss you so_

_I'll always love you_

_I miss you so_

_-"I Miss You So," by Diana Krall_

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**_Fin_**

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AN: I thank everyone who hung in here with me until the end, and I want to offer my double thanks to everyone who took a few seconds of their time to review. I hope you enjoyed my angst fest. Arigatou, and sayonara until next time.


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